My 85-year-old father has begun to scream at me for no reason. It comes out of nowhere. Has anyone had anything like this happen?

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pt34 Asked October 2010

My 85-year-old father has begun to scream at me for no reason. It comes out of nowhere. Has anyone had anything like this happen?

My mom is 79 with dementia. They are both still in their home. I do the grocery shopping, make most of the meals, do the wash, take them to dr appts, sort their pills, lawn care, etc...I hired someone to clean and got a visiting nurse to check on them. After 2 months, he told all of them not to come to the house anymore. It took me a long time to get the nurses to come, because my parents refused their help at first. Now my dad has started yelling at me that I am a phony and why do I work so much...or...why do I keep trying to get all his money (he has no money)? He has no dementia, but I did hear the possiblity that the prednisone he is taking might be making him agitated. He takes his anger out on me, and it is usually sudden. Today, I picked up their prescriptions and dropped them off. While I sat at the table setting up my mother's pills...he came over and started yelling at me that I was no good and didn't care about them...and then said my husband was a jerk...this happened a few times before. Could it be the prednisone? I have one sibling that lives out of state, so I am all they have. I have actively been taking care of them for over 2 years now. The next time I go over, he will be fine for a few minutes and then he flips out. I am so frustrated. I am coming home in tears most of the time, but I have to go back and take care of them. The doctor's office tells me to call the police. On my parents? I can't do that.

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score 1 · Answer 1

I am very happy for you and your Dad, obviously he is fine, just needed some medication. I just wanted to chime in here and tell you that the next problem may be constipation on the xanax so beware. My Mom was on klonopin and got impacted, it slows down your brain, and your system. My Mom takes miralax morning and evening now in her coffee or tea. We started at 1 Tablespoons and are now on only 1 teaspoon twice a day, keep her regular. Colace is best or duralax but my Mom cant swallow pills so I put the miralax powder in her drinks. Good luck, daycares are great, I hope he goes!!!!

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score 0 · Answer 2

Thanks to everyone...we finally have my dad on xanax and that has seemed to calm him down....castoff, you have some good advice...my dad was never the huggy loving type but I continue to tell him that I love him and will always come around despite his outbursts. I'm hoping he needs to hear that. I am also working on getting him out of the house at least once or twice a week to a nursing facility day care so he can have others to talk to. Thanks to everyone for the support...this site is so incredible when we caregivers are down and out.

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score 0 · Answer 3

Prednisone is a steroid. Steroids make folks cranky at best and irrational/violent at worst.
Your dad is having his own stress with your mom's dementia and he no longer feels in control of his/their lives. This also can contribute to his lashing out.
He has rejected help for the same reason no doubt. He is facing his own mortality and loss of control. That is devastating to anyone.
Have you ever been able to talk to him honestly and intelligently? If you haven't before don't try now. He must trust/respect someone and that is the person you need to get to have a talk with him.
The steroids you can't do much about.
There is also a temporary or "situational" dementia that he may be experiencing. The stress of this "situation" may have brought that on.
Please explore all avenues and options...that may include a reality that none of you would prefer. You must preserve yourself and your wellbeing as well as their's.

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score 0 · Answer 4

Oh I could never call the police either, how devastating is that to someone! You're dad might be having psychotic episodes and maybe it is medicine related so the Dr is the best choice. I aplaud you for continuing to go over. Whether or not he yells you do have to go over and take care of them, bless you for that. Know its not him talking, its medication, stress, age or an illness but its not him. Poor both of you, Hang in there. My Mom does it but its from dementia , she gets over it and forgets it and we HAVE to NOT take it personally.

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score 1 · Answer 5

good luck and i will be thinking of you

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score 1 · Answer 6

Mostly echoing what others have said, but I wanted to add that taking someone with you when you go sounds like a great idea. Good thinking on your part. What does your father's doctor say? (I'm hoping the "call the police" line was just offered because you might have been looking for an instant "in the moment of crisis" solution; surely the doc has more to offer for the overall situation) Did you ask about the prednisone? If the doc blows you off, time to find a new one (yeah, I know, easier said than done, particularly if dad won't go along)
Best of luck in getting mom into a good facility and in finding out something about what is going on with dad.

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score 0 · Answer 7

Thank you, Anne123 and sskape...my mom's dementia is definitely affecting him. I have spoken with the doctor many times and he said to get some help in the house. That didn't work. I am in the process of getting my mother into a nursing home...she has many pills and is on insulin, but forgets or takes the doses twice. I can't keep up with it and my father won't help. I have also decided to have someone with me when I stop..he has actually threatened to kill me. I guess what bothers me is I can't stop going over..they need me to get food and other things, yet I know I will have to deal with the screaming and yelling when I get there. Thanks for caring enough to respond.

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score 1 · Answer 8

Your Dad may be suffering from stress due to your Mom's dementia. I live with and care for my Mom with dementia and I end up yelling at people too, because it's just so darn difficult dealilng with dementia 24/7 He needs a hug!

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score 2 · Answer 9

Pt34, I agree with Naheaton----Talk to your father's doctor. There is something going on with his brain and personality here. My father experienced something similar....as he entered his 80's his personality underwent a dramatic change, and yes it is very sad to see and traumatizing to the rest of the family. I understand your ending up in tears and I encourage you to let it out. There are other kinds of "dementia" besides just the types relating to memory and cognition. Brain activity also governs our personalities, and this area can also be affected. Your doctor can help you sort all this out----be frank and honest with him. I found it doesn't help to suffer in silence. And when you are with your father now, try to adapt to this "new" kind of father who is before you. (It's hard but you'll get better at it in time.) And try not to take personally certain things he says to you, because if his brain is experiencing aging changes, it's quite possible he can't help it. These things he is saying could be "outbursts" , which don't have a rational base. One thing I have discovered as I relate carefully and delicately with my father as he is now with a personality change, is this....The old Dad that I remember from before is still in there. He is still Dad and he loves me and I love him. Good luck to you.

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score 2 · Answer 10

Instead of the police, you need to be talking to your dads doctor. If he's never done this before, then something is wrong. Find out before your relationship with them is ruined.

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My 85-year-old father has begun to scream at me for no reason. It comes out of nowhere. Has anyone had anything like this happen?

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