What can we do if my aunt thinks my mother and I are out to get her by trying to help care for her without giving her a heart attack or nervous breakdown?

I'd say that your aunt has dementia - the 180 degree personality change, the cussing and lashing out are definite indicators - but it could also be a chronic infection somewhere. My first concern is for your Mom's physical well being. Is auntie a physical threat to her? If she hits, slaps or threatens her then you need to get social services involved and let the authorities deal with auntie. Don't risk injury to your mom out of respect. The aunt your remember growing up with is long gone. Think about what she - that younger loving woman - would want for her sister and THEN you won't feel so bad trying to look out for you mom.

Often these threats can turn violent or the elder can do things like try to light the non-existent stove in the corner of the living room. My own aunt did things like this and nearly burned down my cousins house TWICE!- thank goodness for alert neighbors. After the second time, they realized they were not safe in their own home and grandma had to move.

In situations like this families are often left waiting - sometimes praying - for something to happen so they can either take the elder to the ER or call the cops. I hope you can be there when she falls down and call 911. Tell them you fear that she broke her hip and insist that they take her for x-rays. Once at the hospital tell ANYONE and EVERYONE you see about her rapid change in behavior. Ask that she be admitted for a full physical and mental evaluation. You might be surprised to find something minor, like a urinary tract infection, is contributing to her crazy - and uncharacteristic behavior.

Good luck - be sure to post an up date here!