My 87-year-old beloved mother has been paralyzed on her right side and in a nursing home for 3 years. She wants to die and I feel completely helpless. What can I do to help her?
She could be clinically depressed, so you should talk to the docotr about it. However, my mother expressed that wish to me often, especially after my dad died. Her pain was severe and she was plain miserable. Hospice helped he be more comfortable, but she was, quite frankly, "ready to go." Some people do get where their quality of life is so poor that life isn't worth it for them.
Our health care system can keep bodies alive a long time, long after the spirit is tired. Please don't be negative with her or say "don't say that, Mom!" Tell her you love her and you will do everything you can to keep her comfortable. Tell her that you can understand why her life is so hard. Ask her if you can do anything more to help. Then keep on doing what you are doing.
I know this is hard - I've been there. Mom used to say to me, "Can't you just give me a 'little black pill?'" I'd say no, I couldn't, but I'd do everything I could to make her life as good as it can be. I cry for you - this is very tough.
My father and mother in law are both 85. My dad has prostate bone cancer among a ton of other problems and my mother in law has heart disease, kidney failure and now Lukeinma. We have almost lost both of them this year several times. My husband has had two heart attacks in the last two years, 4 all total.
This year I have spent between them 25 weeks in the hospital.
Everyone wanted them to be put some where except them. I fought to keep them at home beacuse there are so many services out there now that will help them cheaper than a nursing home, plus it allows them to stay in their home environments. At times I have wondered if this was the right thing to do but it has worked for them. They both are tired of living but when they are at home it keeps them going because of their surroundings and gives them hope. They both are doing much better now and dont speak as often of wanting to die. When they go to the hospital and Dr. wanting to die comes out more often. SInce they have been put on Hospice the nurses go to them and they dont have as many Dr. Visits. That has helped a lot also.
Hospice has been wonderful. When they get depressed I let Hospice know and they send someone to speak to them. That seems to help.
I am not for sure how to answer your question, I dont think anyone has the right answer. Its hard to see the ones you love hurt. I just wont give up on them until they are gone. There is a reason they are still with us in the condition they are in, sad but true. I let them know they are giving us gifts they truly dont realize they are giving those around them. God has a plan. That seems to help also because it makes them feel they still have worth and the pain is for a reason.
I agree with the other posters. The only thing I might add is that you tell your mom how thankful you are to have her, and maybe gently question her to find out if she's hanging on to life because she feels there is a reason she must not let go.
One thing that always cheered my mom up was to watch music videos of her favorite kinds of tunes. We would sometimes just sit silently with her, and maybe hold her hand, while we watched. It seemed to transport her away for at least a little time.
Along the "ask the doctor" lines - it might be good to check vitamin levels of B and D vitamins. I'm a huge fan of food as medicine! :-)
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Our health care system can keep bodies alive a long time, long after the spirit is tired. Please don't be negative with her or say "don't say that, Mom!" Tell her you love her and you will do everything you can to keep her comfortable. Tell her that you can understand why her life is so hard. Ask her if you can do anything more to help. Then keep on doing what you are doing.
I know this is hard - I've been there. Mom used to say to me, "Can't you just give me a 'little black pill?'" I'd say no, I couldn't, but I'd do everything I could to make her life as good as it can be. I cry for you - this is very tough.
Blessings,
Carol
This year I have spent between them 25 weeks in the hospital.
Everyone wanted them to be put some where except them. I fought to keep them at home beacuse there are so many services out there now that will help them cheaper than a nursing home, plus it allows them to stay in their home environments. At times I have wondered if this was the right thing to do but it has worked for them. They both are tired of living but when they are at home it keeps them going because of their surroundings and gives them hope. They both are doing much better now and dont speak as often of wanting to die. When they go to the hospital and Dr. wanting to die comes out more often. SInce they have been put on Hospice the nurses go to them and they dont have as many Dr. Visits. That has helped a lot also.
Hospice has been wonderful. When they get depressed I let Hospice know and they send someone to speak to them. That seems to help.
I am not for sure how to answer your question, I dont think anyone has the right answer. Its hard to see the ones you love hurt. I just wont give up on them until they are gone. There is a reason they are still with us in the condition they are in, sad but true. I let them know they are giving us gifts they truly dont realize they are giving those around them. God has a plan. That seems to help also because it makes them feel they still have worth and the pain is for a reason.
I will keep you in my prayers.
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One thing that always cheered my mom up was to watch music videos of her favorite kinds of tunes. We would sometimes just sit silently with her, and maybe hold her hand, while we watched. It seemed to transport her away for at least a little time.
Along the "ask the doctor" lines - it might be good to check vitamin levels of B and D vitamins. I'm a huge fan of food as medicine! :-)
Ruth