My mother does not want to move out of her apartment into assisted living and she tells me I cannot make her move there. What can I do?

Can you talk to your mother's doctor in private about the situation? In-home care for your mother is another option.

My mother has taken a fall. She fell out of bed one night and called me. I rushed over there and called for an ambulance, and thank goodness she did not break anything just contusions. So using that with her as a reason to move does not help any. I've thought about cutting off some of the services but I can't do that because I would feel like I should be going over there then and take care of things. Thanks for the advice though.

Unfortunately, it will probably take something dramatic like a fall at home to push her into moving. If you really feel she is dangerous living by herself, you may need to play "hard ball." Start cutting off some of the services she is currently receiving and tell her that she can just fend for herself. No wonder she won't move.....you are enabling her to stay put by catering to her every need. If those needs were NOT being met in her own apartment, I'll bet she would gladly move to any place where those needs WOULD be met. Been there, done that with my own father. I had to force his hand for his own safety and my peace of mind.

Oh how I sympathize with you. I went through something similar with my parents. They change their minds, and this can be so frustrating. Does your mother know anybody who lives at this AL facility that you visited? That helps a lot...if there is a "friend" they can look forward to seeing there. It took a falling accident to give my parents the "push" they needed to make the move to AL. They said that it was a "sign".

In my situation, I also prayed, when it got to the point where you are now. Not that I hadn't prayed earlier, but I started praying HARD, and then things did start to line up, and the move was put into motion. Where you are now with your mother is possibly one of the most difficult periods you'll go through (at least that was the case for me). It is the actual transition, and the thought of a transition, that is so hard for our parents to adapt to and accept, and understandably. Once they have lived in a home for many years, it feels like "home"---naturally---and it is extremely difficult for them to leave it and go to a new place. I will tell you this.....My parents thoroughly loved their AL place once they got there, and my mother thanked me profusely just before she died for having helped them to move there. She was happy that my father (who has dementia) would be well cared for there after she was gone.

Hang in there, llblair, and I will be pulling for you.

I have taken her to an assisted living two times, once for a tour another time for afternoon of entertainment and refreshments. Yes, she has been diagnosed with dimentia and takes medication for it, which I can not see where it does any thing for her. We have been talking about it for the past six months and she kept saying she was ready to go especially this last month. I told her last night they had an apartment for her and we would be moving her in a week, then she called me this morning and said she was not going to move because she could not have her dog there and that she has lived in the apartment for a long time which was home to her. I just about blew when she called and told me no, she would not move.

Has your mother been definitely "diagnosed" with a dementia condition, so that it has been determined that she is not competent to make decisions regarding her health or where she lives? If this is not so, then she has the ultimate authority over her decisions. And if this is the case, then you need to be careful and sensitive while discussing options with her. (not that you wouldn't be otherwise!) It helps to be gentle and not pushy at all. And be careful to not let it degrade into a power struggle, which goes nowhere. Bring up the subject, toss it around a bit, and then drop it for a while. See if she would agree to go to visit an assisted living place and perhaps have lunch with you there and have a tour. Good luck.

could she try having a live in caregiver. Just a thought. although most with early dementia are resistant to help.