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mom2all Asked December 2010

What to do about dad? My father has totally lost it!

how do you get the medical POA?

My mom is currently at rehab with plans to go home, and my father has totally lost it! Something glen beck/bill oreilly-ish...he thinks that any money medicare pays is contributing to the delinqueny of the country...

He is bawlking at the O2 (which she needs) convinces her she doesn't need high blood pressure meds (she's lost her kidneys to uncontrolled HBP) and that she doesn't need a O2 monitor (we've almost lost her to depressed breathing....twice. This last time? she spent time on the respirator)

We need to know the fastest way to take control of her medical decisions. He won't see a civi doc, he goes to the VA, and there is NO WAY to contact them to try and get a mental eval done on dad.

We need to be in charge of the decisions regarding her health care, she will come home to live with her daughters.

EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF Dec 2010
You'll likely need legal help with this. I hope you can get someone to advise you. Please see an elder law attorney or some attorney in your area who deals with estates and living wills. I don't think you can do this on your own.
Good luck,
Carol

toadballet1 Dec 2010
As long as your Mother is mentally fit, she can sign a POA. You can either have an attorney draw one up or use an online site. Personally, I liked an online company called "Legacy Writers." It was really easy to do and they have up-to-date forms and give you instructions about filing in your state, etc. You will want to print out, sign, and/or notarize several copies that will become "originals." Sometimes each doctor, hospital, or rehab will want an original copy.
If you situation becomes too extreme and your dad continues to deny your Mother proper medical care, you may have to ask your local social services to intervene (I would use them as a last resort, however.) They can evaluate her and set your Dad straight. If your Dad persists he and your Mom may need to be separated until she can get on her feet. Is your Mom capable of standing up to your Dad? Has your Dad always exhibited this bullying behavior? He may need evaluation too.
Wow...this is a new one. Bless you for making the decision to take her into your home. Sounds like this has been going on for awhile.
good luck

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