How do I tell friends & family that don't live near that Mom has dementia?

In the end that is exactly what I did. I wrote a letter telling of her diagnosis then gave an update on Dad and the family. I feel better having let everyone know, although it wasn't exactly happy Christmas news. Oh well, such is life.

Thanks!

MOM'S:

First thing that popped in my head was "Don't Ask Don't Tell." But I'm with Christina and J. ... A warm, brief letter should suffice.

-- ED

As has been said here, its a very personal choice. Phone or letter, whichever feels most natural to you. The more facts and the less drama always seems to work best. Just let them know that Mom isn't always who she used to be but within limitations, she's still in there somewhere. So sorry for you and your family. Just do whats best for you and love her for who she is today.

We can all give you advise but when it comes down to it? It is all up to you my dear one. Sorry, advise is free, life is not. I am sorry you are going thru this...Just make it a joke in a seriuos way and let it go...That is all you can do..LET IT GO....Hugs to you and sorry you are going thru this.....Sharon

Tell them, I have put that on my christmas list. Waiting to see if santa sends it....Gotta have humor to this. It is a hard thing to deal with . My mom has gone back to telling everyone to get out of MY HOUSE. To tell her she can not do that...I get " Watch me.." then the whinning...ohhh Lord deliver me...But I have it on my list for santa.....Hope I have been good enough. If not...Well it sucks.....Love for the holiday season.....Sharon

Hon you can't. Unless ppl live it? they do not understand. So just say I can't right now. And let it go at that. I have learned that in my 53 years of life. A lot you can not tell people. They have to learn for themselves. So you are doing what you can and let it go. there is not one thing you can do about it...Try and have a happy holiday season. What we do is not easy. wait until her starts whinning...And worry that she will get up and open all the gifts..But when you need her to get up she won't.....just wait...Life is good. By now? I thought, grown daughter, I can go when I get ready....Lord said...Nope. Not so my child....So here I am....Good luck and keep smilining. That is all you can do....Hugs to you ...Sharon

I would try to have a family conference and then tell the others about your Mom---I am sure they will understand-and hopefully they will pitch in and be of help as well....There is no shame in this.
Best,
Hap

We have always written a Christmas letter going to all our friends, relatives and classmates. It seemed like a natural place to let everyone know of our life changes. I did this over 4 years ago and it has saved explaining over and over again the reasons for changes in my wife’s conduct. Another plus was that my wife is a part of it and thus encouraged her involvement in conversations on this subject. This may or may not work for you but we have always found it simpler to meet problems head-on.

I feel a phone call to those who you feel that are concerned your mother has pulled away from and have contacted your father. Remember the age group they grew up in, that era people were very private, and your father may not want to tell anyone of your mothers issue, so you may want to ask him how he wants to handle. Of course that depends if he is still involved in the family and in your mothers care as well.
Sometimes it sucks to always be the one telling the "news" of what is going on with the loved ones health, but you are the one they trust and lean on and they will hopefully come to support you and give you a break in need for some respite time. Pray about who you feel needs to know, and you will know who needs to know and you will know how they need to be told.
Blessings,
Bridget

Sounds a lot like what my experience was. I was living out of state when my sister and I talked about that. She informed me that mom had been formally diagnosed. I feel a real voice is always best. It adds a more personal touch. In this case, I feel that a letter would be too impersonal, plus it allows other family members to ask their questions and voice their feelings.
Keep it personal (for now anyway).

I think go by your own intuition call who you think would need a call and sent a letter, not in a Christmas card, who would do better with a letter...

Perhaps I didn't explain clearly, I have no problem telling people Mom has dementia, I just don't know if I call them or write a letter, enclose something in a Christmas card. More than a few people have figured something is wrong since they didn't hear from Mom on birthdays, or she was confused about dates when they last heard from her. These people have contacted Dad to see if all is well. I just wasn't sure which is the least shocking route to take.

Having been through the loss of a sibling to cancer, I realize that everyone deals with these things in different ways. There are those who just can't handle it and pull away; there are others who step up. Each has their own level of comfort.

Thanks

People who know the family well should understand. Forget about stigmas or being embarrassed--"it is what it is". Reach out to the closest and oldest F&F, maybe write a group email, and explain Mom's age-related decline simply and lovingly. Those who CARE, will respond. You might be surprised at who comes through for you--and who doesn't.
Blessings and Hugs, christina