Through the years, we have helped financially, physically with seldom re-payment. We do NOT worry about that. However, we DO worry at the lack of respect. My husband is 76, not well, we want to live in peace.Our daughters do not hide that they prefer their father over me..their rudeness is focused on me. Help!
31 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Blessings,
Jamie
ADVERTISEMENT
1) your relationships with your daughters
2) caring for yourself as you age
You have had some good feedback regarding your daughters. Is there any chance the 3 of you could attend a few family counselling sessions? One daughter is yelling at you and one is dissolving in tears and feeling criticised. Can I assume there is some history here? You have said that they are not responding when you mention that you are getting older. There is no guarantee that our children will be able or wish to play any supportive role as we age. There are people who don't have children who manage without. It sounds like, at this point that your dds (dear daughters) are either in denial about your aging issues, or simply do not want to be involved. There is a dilemma for you either way.
Regarding yourself and your life, being on an isolated farm at 70 may not be the best for you or anyone. It sounds like you need more social interaction and everyone, as they age, need to be near services, hospitals etc. Do you have any plans for moving to a less isolated situation? At 80, I am planning to move to a larger center with better services, drs, more cultural and social opportunities etc.
My relationships with my children 3 boys (one deceased) and a girl has not been without problems, but with some effort, we now do pretty well now. It would be a good thing to clarify the issues with your dds and work to resolve them.
I don't know your family history (nor do 'we' need to know)but I will say that we are treated the way we allow people to treat us. Even if any of your actions were less than perfect in the past, I'm sure they have had their moments too, (seems like they are having more of them lately) you STILL deserve respect.
Try talking to your daughters... let them know what you expect from them, and what you won't tolerate. See what they have to say. Don't make it a confrontation, just a discussion. If it gets to be too much, perhaps you really should consider having a pastor or other family friend act as a mediator and see if there is some common ground you can all stand on.
Honestly, I have to say "shame on them" for not behaving. I know there are two sides to everything, but isn't "Honour thy father and mother" still a commandment? God Bless.
I think it goes back to the way they were raised and how much freedom they were given when younger. I tried not to say no to anything until they had worked out for themselves what the results of their proposed actions would be.
You are starting from a very different stage and current behavior is not acceptable. You say you are well educated and intelligent but have you made some bad decisions recently so they have lost their respect for you? Is this a new behavior or have they been disrespectful from a young age. I think I would seek some professional advice at this point.I don't think a family meeting will solve anything at this point without a mediator.
I agree with the posters above that say your husband holds the key to how your children will be treating you in the future. If he continues with his "hands off" approach, things won't change and you're in for some difficult times. If he steps up and you two present that united front, then maybe your children will begin to act responsibly. I'd set expectations and if they don't meet them, then there will be consequences (no more money/less visits - whatever would work).
But I'd sure be on the lookout for other relatives who might be able to help you when you need it - cousins, nieces or nephews, or even friends who you trust.
I don't think your husband is going to try therapy to try to save his marriage. He is happy with his current very close relationship with his son. You need to start planning or protecting your future. But I would not 'rock the boat' but I will definitely start thinking ahead. I think you know this deep down, don't you? Maybe others have some better insights to your situation.
See All Answers