Mom just called me everything that is unpleasant, immoral, insulted me to the point I just want to pack up and say "see ya!". Why is she so hateful?

I agree with claytobaker, you need to disconnect. 20 Dec I really started practicing disconnecting from my constant complaining, negative Nelly of a mother whom I love dearly, but her attitude was greatly affecting our relationship.

Suddenly, I've become busier at work, increased outside activities, travel more, make unpredicatable but brief calls and have limited my visits. if she starts up while i'm visiting her, I listen a little just to let her rant but I can't take too much of it so I try to redirect the conversation, if that fails well oh my! Gotta get going, all is well love ya, smooches.

Gotta save yourself or who will!

I already know that all is well with her business and well being because I've taken care of it and stay in contact with her care givers who by the way are GREAT at relaying information to me and responding to my inquires with great results.

What do you think would happen if you just told your mother that you aren't going to take this mistreatment any longer and if she continues you are just going to leave. Then leave if she doesn't stop. I know this worked with my daughter when my mom started complaining about me when I had to place her in ALF against her will....I feel so sorry for what you are going thru.........good luck

Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers is something that I read recently as I could never understand why Mom was like she is all my life and now here I am, the only one left, and taking care of her. At first the article made me very angry but if you think this is what's going on I suggest you read it. It was as if someone had written about my life to me. If you do read it, make sure you have time away from her because one needs time to think about it. It's still a disease and combined with dementia...oh Lord.

I know people tell you to be patient and tolerant but there is a poison personality and it can hurt physically. Frankly, I think it can kill you.

I think you mentioned a social worker involved and if I'm mistaken, I suggest you do just that. Turn her over. It is hard to remain kind to someone who has hurt you mentally all your life, tell the social worker how it has been for you. I did take that advice to heart. The kinder thing for me was to turn my Mom over to someone else. It still hurts but she's in better hands. Very big hug to you.

There is NO shame in looking out for yourself. When it comes to dealing with elders like this - especially when they get so mean and abusive (physically, emotionally or verbally) - it's time to let someone else do the day-to-day tending and be there as their advocate, to ensure they get the best care possible. You can still be a good daughter and see them regularly without being their caregiver. Your own health and well being are just as important.

I've felt the same with my mother. She's abusive to the Nth degree. My counselor suggests disconnecting as much as possible, and only dealing with Mom's needs, not wants. When she is abusive (she built house next to me), I simply listen to voicemails and only reply when its an emergency. This is not the best solution, I'm sure, but I'd like to have some life of my own. The stress has created health problems, such as fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, depression and anxiety, and I must disconnect occasionally to survive. She seems to demand all my time and energy and I frequently find myself neglecting my home, pets and health. So I remind myself to disconnect and she insisted on having knee replacement and became very abusive the day before surgery. She had said she'd stay with me unti her physical therapy was over and hire help to care for her as well as me, but she didn't and when she was released from the hosp. the social worker and I decided she's have to go to a nursing and rehab center till they released her (20 days). I thought I'd be able to relax a little, but she called on her cell 15-20 times a day complaining. So I hope you can just hang in and schedule time for yourself, even if she must go to adult daycare to give you that time to disconnect from the abuse. I wish you luck and love in the future. Remember Jesus loves you and will answer your prayers for help, he has me!

It hurts a lot- I have some similar events too.

If you suspect real evil, the try real love and pray. I'm not religious but if there is real evil then there is probably real good.

Sure, part of my venting is from frustration, but I truly believe she is being used by an evil force to humiliate, insult and then gloat from the hurt "it" has caused. So, in answer to your question, the answer would be yes, I'm talking about real evil here. And if you know anyone in the Northern Illinois area that can help, it would be much appreciated.

You say, "This is no joke", but mostly when I see similar statements here it's in a cutesy, "Demented Elderly Say the Darnedest Things" sense. The implication being that "we" must be wonderful saints because we carry on anyway.

So are you talking about real evil, as in "gets primary gratification out of hurting others / would be happy to wreck your life", or are you exagerating out of frustration?

I feel for you. What is frustrating is they see absolutely nothing wrong with what they do. Does she do it in front of others? That just happened to me today.