Don't think you are a bad person! This needs to be taken care of for his good and yours....It is still unclear as of who takes care of him during the day while you work....?
At any rate, try to get an attorney's advice asap....Get your life back!
You do need to take care of yourself. If his family wants to take care of him or if he can pay someone for his care that is their choice. You have given the best you had and now it is time to make the changes you need to make in order to take care of yourself. It does not matter what your verbally abusive ex-boyfriend thinks of you once you move on with your own life.
thanks, i have thought about talking to a attorney, and think i will do that real soon just so my bases is covered. i was also told by someone to leave him at a hospital and not take him back home. but he has to have a reason to go to the hospital first. some one told me that he will think i am the worst person he has every known no matter what i do, even though i have given up my family and life to take care of him all these years . and i know they are right.
You might check with an elder-law attorney. In your state you may be married by common law after 20years. You can also apply for Guardianship - or Medicaid on his behalf and make arrangements for him to go into a nursing home permanently. That is different from respite care. Finally, next time he is sick send him to the hospital and tell social services you can no longer care for him at home. This kind of medical event is frequently the necessary change agent you need. They will make the arrangements for him to go to a nursing home from the hospital. If the house is his then you might need to move out (check with an attorney to see what rights you have), but they can't send him back home if there is no one to care for him. Worst case scenario - just move out and notify his family. You do have rights, too. You are not trapped. You just don't know all of your options yet or aren't ready to implement one of them.
Who owns the house you are living in? If it's his house, you will have to be the one who moves out.
You say he is unable to move and is on a ventilator. Who takes care of him while you are at work? If he is as disabled as you say, he should be in a nursing home, and should be receiving medicaid and disability.
As hard as it is, you must inform him and all of his family that you are moving out. If the house is owned by him, tell them that you would be willing to put the house up for sale and stay until it is sold to help provide the money to put him into a nursing home or assisted living, but after that you will be gone.
Since you're working, you should be able to find an affordable apartment for yourself away from him. Do what you can to get him where he needs to be first, but buck up and take responsibility for getting yourself out of this situation.
i have talked to agency of aging / social services and they know first hand how mean he can be. they tried to get me respite care , but the funding or trained personal is not available. they have not be able to give me any legal advice. Seems like my only option is none. I have prayed about this and some days are ok, but then it gets heated and hurtful again. A friend told me once that i remind her of a shooting gallery , where i am the duck being shot at and with every shot i bounce back and go again in that direction until i am shot at again. Bing, Bing, Bing
Call your local area agency on aging, alz assoc. chapter and/or social services. They can give you some direction and explain your options. Let them know you are at the end of your rope now & they may act faster. Try not to make emotional decisions.
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At any rate, try to get an attorney's advice asap....Get your life back!
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You say he is unable to move and is on a ventilator. Who takes care of him while you are at work? If he is as disabled as you say, he should be in a nursing home, and should be receiving medicaid and disability.
As hard as it is, you must inform him and all of his family that you are moving out. If the house is owned by him, tell them that you would be willing to put the house up for sale and stay until it is sold to help provide the money to put him into a nursing home or assisted living, but after that you will be gone.
Since you're working, you should be able to find an affordable apartment for yourself away from him. Do what you can to get him where he needs to be first, but buck up and take responsibility for getting yourself out of this situation.
Try not to make emotional decisions.