My mom refuses to change caregivers, how do I address the fact that my mom’s needs are not being met?

If there are things that I want my relative's caregivers to do, I write it down. Also, I show up from time to time, unanounced, to make sure the caregiver is actually working. If there is no improvement being made, if the caregiver is from an agency, I would contact the agency to report the caregiver. Tell them that you do not want them to mention to the caregiver that it was you that reported her. I'm sure they deal with this situation all the time, so they would know how to handle it. Also, contact the caregiving agency to ask questions, so they get to know you. My relative's agency nurse comes to visit her every 6 weeks. I am usually there. The nurse asks about the caregivers and if there is a problem with one, I would mention it then. If you have hired a private caregiver, you have no recourse except to speak to the caregiver, and show up from time to time to make sure that work is being done. If you don't want to change caregivers, and the caregiver is a private one, you will just have to put up with their idiosyncracies. That's what I did with my mom. I was afraid to lose the one, so when she wanted pay six weeks in advance, I'd pay her. This is why I prefer going thru an agency now. I don't have to worry about these things. It's rhe agency's responsibilitiy to deal with problems.

RIDER:

Thank her for filling the emotional potholes in your mother's life but remind her that assistance with daily living is crucial. Sit down together, review the job description, make a priority list, and take it from there. Also, let Mom know that there are things the caregiver must do around the house before "chilling" with her new best friend.