Before we were able to build onto our house to provide a bedroom and bathroom for my mother (two years), I turned our living room into a bedroom for my mom - fortunately it had french doors on it so it was enclosed. The room she was in did not have a closet so we got a rolling rack for her and she had a large dresser to keep her other clothes in. My three daughters had to share their bathroom with her which was no picnic. Finally we were able to find a good contractor and build onto our house to give my mom a nice space of her own.
My mom lived with my husband and me for 9 years. She had her own bedroom and bathroom and could pretty much get around by herself with a little help from us so we all enjoyed our "private spaces." At the beginning of the last year of her life she suffered a stroke and couldn't walk. Our main floor of our house became her world. My living room/dining room is an "L shape" so we put her hospital bed against the back wall. Like LME I purchased a quilt with matching sham that was color coordinated with my living room so when my mom wasn't in bed the bed actually blended into the room like a couch. I hid the potty chair behind one of our recliner chairs (making sure it was cleaned out after EVERY use) and the wheelchair when not in use was folded at the bottom of her bed. My mom's life revovled around her bed, her recliner and TV, and the dining room table -- but in the warm months we were able to get her out the kitchen door so that she could sit out on the back porch. I didn't buy any privacy screen but I did buy baby monitors so that I could always hear her if she needed me. Dawn, you have my respect, love and prayers for strength in taking on the responsibility of caring for your mom at home. It is not always easy, but it is the best thing I ever did in my entire life and now that my precious mother is gone my grief is unending, but I have no regrets. If there is one thing I am an expert in is being a caregiver for my mother -- if you ever need to talk or have any questions, I would be happy to help you and share some of my tips (learned through trial and error). God bless you and your mom on this journey you are taking together.
As a Caregiver, I found the personal need to 'get away' became increasingly great as time went along.
While it is true the separation was for me, and not for my Mom... as is your case, perhaps the following principles, though reversed from your expressed need, will hold as true for you and your Mom as it did for my Mom and myself. After all, the idea is to create an important physical, mental and emotional separation... yet maintain safety.
What I did was two fold: 1) I created a 'hideaway' for myself in the garage. And, I didn't tell her about it. (Perhaps even a minimally converted garage or carport could become her 'apartment'.) I made part of our garage into a little studio where I had my computer, etc. Next, 2) I purchased surveillance equipment so whenever I needed a break I could become removed for the moment to moment activities of my Mom and yet keep a close eye on her.
The end result was the she had her 'space', I had mine and she was still well cared for.
From a different perspective... When I found out my Mom absolutely LOVED her 'Women's Club', which was an adult day care center, I began taking her there three afternoons a week. She then became more settled at home during the time we spent in a more confining space.
Do whatever it takes to lessen the stress for all of you. It'll pay off for ALL of you throughout your Caregiving experience.
Do you have a dining room that you can convert into a bedroom? Maybe you can find one of those room dividers that will separate her space from the rest of the room / rest of the house. I personally sleep in our "dining room". My brother brought my bed downstairs, and I have it made up to look like a sofa. I have two queen size pillows that I have situated to look like sofa bolsters. I have the comfortable cover bed and bolsters, so it truly looks like a sofa with a sofa cover on it. Wherever you have her sleep, I would not use a bedspread. Use a quilt or comforter instead, and tuck in anything that hangs over on the floor. I have two aunts that tripped and fell over their bedspread corners touching the floor.
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While it is true the separation was for me, and not for my Mom... as is your case, perhaps the following principles, though reversed from your expressed need, will hold as true for you and your Mom as it did for my Mom and myself. After all, the idea is to create an important physical, mental and emotional separation... yet maintain safety.
What I did was two fold: 1) I created a 'hideaway' for myself in the garage. And, I didn't tell her about it. (Perhaps even a minimally converted garage or carport could become her 'apartment'.) I made part of our garage into a little studio where I had my computer, etc. Next, 2) I purchased surveillance equipment so whenever I needed a break I could become removed for the moment to moment activities of my Mom and yet keep a close eye on her.
The end result was the she had her 'space', I had mine and she was still well cared for.
From a different perspective... When I found out my Mom absolutely LOVED her 'Women's Club', which was an adult day care center, I began taking her there three afternoons a week. She then became more settled at home during the time we spent in a more confining space.
Do whatever it takes to lessen the stress for all of you. It'll pay off for ALL of you throughout your Caregiving experience.
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