My mom has severe dementia and needs 24/7 care; however my father can’t meet her needs and will not allow in home came. I don't want to take him to court but what should I do?

I don't have anything to add about going to court because I've had no experience with that, but I can say that in my own caregiving journey, in overseeing the care of my parents and making sure they were safe and well-situated, I found that I sometimes had to make tough decisions which didn't make me "popular" in one or both of my parents' eyes. I remember feeling hurt that I was being cast as the villain, as though it all felt like such a thankless job. But I kept on doing what I felt was right, for the welfare of my parents, and what God would have me do. In the end, my mother thanked me just before she died for all I had done for them. I would advise you to pray and seek your own intuition about what is best for your parents. You can also get counseling from local agencies which focus on help for the aging.

I honestly don't think you have a choice but to go to court. I went through this 3 years ago. My Dad was a multiple stroke victim and could no longer take care of himself. My mother has many mental issues (including several anxiety, borderline personality disorder including narcissism) and can't / won't focus on anyone's needs but her own. She threw temper tantrums when I wanted to bring in home health caregivers. I finally had to go to court to become his legal Guardian and eventually his legal Conservator. My mother declared me the 'enemy' and won't have anything to do with me. But my Dad has survived and is in a wonderful care facility where he gets excellent care. They didn't expect him to live for more than a few weeks when he first moved in because he was in such bad shape. But with proper care, nutritional meals, lots of rest, etc., he is off Hospice, off all of his medications and doing well 2-1/2 years later. The only way I've been able to manage all of this happening is by being his Legal Guardian/Conservator. I would never have been able to accomplish this otherwise. You'll have to weigh the need for good care that your mother has over the consequences of what your father says. I hope you don't have to go through what I did. But bottom line is that I'd do the same thing over again if I had to.