What are the signs of dying?

With many years as an RN in Hospice care, I recognized signs that my mother was "possibly" in her dying process. In the month before she passed, she was more present and her poor hearing became acute. May 6, my mother had a brain hemorrhage that allowed her 2 days to see all her family before quietly passing with, what appeared to be, very little pain. It was so hard for me to see her lying on the bed not breathing! I just held her and cried. I wanted to snuggle up next to her and go with her as I had when I was a little girl! Now, with much of the business managed, I can begin my grieving! I have had to tell my family I need time to myself for this. It is so sad and I wish the world would stop and grieve with me! And I am grateful for the almost 90 years that she lived.

With many years as an RN in Hospice care, I recognized signs that my mother was "possibly" in her dying process. In the month before she passed, she was more present and her poor hearing became acute. May 6, my mother had a brain hemorrhage that allowed her 2 days to see all her family before quietly passing with, what appeared to be, very little pain. It was so hard for me to see her lying on the bed not breathing! I just held her and cried. I wanted to snuggle up next to her and go with her as I had when I was a little girl! Now, with much of the business managed, I can begin my grieving! I have had to tell my family I need time to myself for this. It is so sad and I wish the world would stop and grieve with me! And I am grateful for the almost 90 years that she lived.

My husband Larry was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer with mets to the liver on Jan 6th of this year. He has fought the good fight. We decided against chemo due to the awful side effects. He had a GI bleed, non related to the cancer, in late April and had to have 4 units of blood, he never recovered. He is very weak, his skin is modeling especially his feet, he is jaundice and swollen. He is so ready to go be with the Lord and we pray for peace and comfort until his time. He can still eat a little and he is still drinking. May God's grace be with him through his dying process.

Ms Geri,

I am so sorry for your loss.

I pray that God grants you the strength to heal and move forward in life.

Please allow yourself the time needed to grieve, as its the most important part of the healing process.

Patti

Dying is like birth in some ways. We know what is about to happen but can't say how it will be or when it will happen. In death there are signs that tell us it is close but the same things don't happen with every person. I have noticed that most people stop eating first. Caregivers think the person is starving to death, but digesting food is a great strain on a dying system and strongly encouraging food and/or fliud intake may not always be the right thing to do. We're so used to hearing "here, eat, you'll feel better" but that's just not the case when a person is dying. The dying person often pulls away from people and wants to spend more time alone, often sleeping. They may talk to friends or family who have already passed away. As death nears, they may rally and seem to have a great day visiting with loved ones only to have a dramatic decline shortly after. This rally is a gift, I think. They may ask for a certain favorite food after a long period of not eating, then decline. Sometimes there is a period of extreme restlessness. There are breathing changes, often there will be a full minute between breaths. Breathing can change from hard to shallow. The temp may go up, gurgling in the throat. Knees and feet sometimes turn bluish. I have seen people wait for family to be at the bedside and I have seen people wait for family to leave them alone to finally let go.
But everyone is different and some of these signs are not so easy to see or accept when we are about to lose someone we love.
I think the best thing to do at this most difficult time is to follow what your heart tells you.

Geri: so sorry for you loss. You were a loving daughter and were present for her during the end of her life...I am sure she appreciated it. My condolences....Lilli

Mom passed away on Feb 21 I just noticed that the livingroom had become quiet as she did have the loud breathing/gurgling sounds. I miss her terribly but not the way she was as I had been longing for the Mom of my childhood who was not this woman. I felt blessed to have gotten to take care of her and help her as she had done my whole life. But for now she is in a better place.

GERI:

Dying's a process and a journey that affects and involves the people closest to the individual. Death usually comes unexpectedly, and you need to be prepared. There's a link on Death & Dying somewhere in this website, and there's tons of information on the Web.

In retrospect, I didn't fear my father's death but the thought of not having him around me. I was prepared for what was to come, but his absence is what grieved me the most.

Good luck dearest Lady, and keep us posted.

-- ED

my sister is in the final stage of liver cancer she has started passing blood she is very yellow and always sleeps dose that mean she is at the end

My mom had this gurgling sound when she breathed. The day before she died, she held my hand when I was saying goodby in the nursing home, and would not let go. It was like she knew. The next day, the day of, she had to be rushed to the ER to have her lungs suctioned. Her doctor wanted to insert a trach tube and if I would not agree to this, he said he could no longer be her doctor. That evening, I received another call from the nursing home that they found her unresponsive and were sending her to the hospital. When I got to the hospital, the nurse called me into a little room....she had passed. She was not sleeping all the time at the end, there was just this gurgling sound when she breathed. I know of several other people who did stop eating and were sleeping all the time, and in about three days of not eating.....Someone else I know kept having TIA's every so often. She had one the day before I saw her, and passed two days after that. In another case of a cancer patient. I just spoke to her on the phone about coming the next day to see her. That evening, her cousin informed me that she died right after that. So it is different wwith everyone.

Often, patients in the last stages of life will decline but then have a short "rally" where they appear to be gaining strength. I have seen it so many times with my many elderly family members who have passed. I think that this brief period gives them a last chance to tell everyone goodbye.

I care for a gentleman who is at that point, too. I have been off work with a cold/flu this week, and the updates are so sad. He has stopped eating, sleeps most of the time, can no longer go to the bathroom and will probably be bed-bound by the end of the weekend if not already. I just pray he stays pain-free, which he has been up until this point. I saw color changes more than a month ago and was sure he was shutting down, and then he just totally bounced back and got back to order-barking and his "old self". It didn't last.
I hope you have strength and patience as you go through this.
Ruth

She has stopped eating and slleeps most of the time

The last active stage of dying, modeling(skin looks kinda purplish on feet,hands, knees). Cold stiff extrimities. Cheyne stokes(rapid,shallow breathing followed by several seconds of no breath). Normally the person is in a comatose state,their eyes will set.

hi there , ur mom sounds like my dad , i thought he was dying for the past 3 yrs . its all part of dementia .
one week i thought he s on his way out then bam he s all in good mood and happy go man , with my dad i could never tell .