How do you care for a difficult mother?

Some things to consider . How difficult is it for her to get in and out of the bath ? Do you have a shower chair and pull down shower head ? The elderly sometime don't bath/ shower because it's diffult getting in and out. They could also have concern about slipping and breaking their bones. With my mom, whenever I told her it was time to take a shower, she resisted. However since I've changed my approach and state it as if it's her idea, she cooperates. I say mom ,I'm starting the shower for you, like you asked me to. I also mindful of the timing. That shes not watching her favorite TV show or movie on.

My Mom just screams at me everyday. i work three days I have medical issues and in pain I do everything for her. She was the best and sweetest Mom. I tried to talk reasonable with her and say I understand how bad is but i can't take how she yells at me. It made it worst. I am afraid she has lost her mind. She clinches her fist and jumps up and I think she will hit me. She hasn't hit me since I held her hand as gently as I could the last time she tried. But I was never beaten as a child and I am not going to be beaten anymore. She has told me she hates me an wish she never had me and it breaks my heart and other times I am praise what a good daughter I am. Thing is I can't take the anxiety she is giving me anymore but most the time she is lovinig but I have to walk on eggshells and even then I don't know when she will turn into Hyde. I want her with me and she is my only family but what can I do to stop these frightening outburst. I noticed her pill say irratibiliyt as a side effect and can't help but wonder if they are part of the problem.

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Know that you are no alone..thats the first. And don't feel guilty for your feelings..it is quite normal under your circumstances. Let me give just a couple of hints that worked with my mom and may help...showers..mom would always argue and say she just took one (and it was days)..I would get everything ready..water, change of clothes and say "Mom, your shower/bath is ready...let me help you". This worked most of the time. Also, diversion works wonders with my mom when she is what I call "fit to be tied"..angry, argumentative and such. I change the subject..get her talking about ANYTHING else. Sometimes this can be challenging and it may take several attempts, but it will draw them out of their "funk". Something that used to interest her, her siblings/parents, hobbies, even as simple as weather. Folding clothes is a great time killer also...drag out all the towels in the house and ask if she will help with the laundry. I hope these few things help.

It sounds like you have been walking on eggshells around your mother, but have reached a breaking point where you want your life back because she is having a negative impact on you and your teenage daughter. It will take a few weeks for the anti-depressant to kick in. I suggest some talk therapy for both you and your daughter in dealing with this 'difficult mum'

the doc suspects a combo of depression and dementia.i have resisted anti depressents till today and starting her on anti depressants,,i was avoiding it as she is verbally very aggressive and becomes extremely difficult to handle.she has always been one very difficult person.i have reached a stage where i need help to stay afloat,same with my teen age daughter

First of all, I would like to express my sympathy. I am going through difficulties about my mother and her house and can relate to your frustration. While I have tried to be as loving and understanding as I can, I think I have reached a point where I am going to have to ask for help from doctors. Could any of your local doctors help you by telling your mother what has to be done in order for her to be considered mentally competent? That is my mother's big fear regarding her overwhelming hoarding issue: she is afraid that people will start to control her. If your mother feels that people will have to make wise decisions for her if she does not make them herself, she may start to be more cooperative.Take care and stay in touch with all of us.