My father isn't taking his medications. He is gambling and has no money for rent. He won't listen to me and my sister and talks about suicide. How can we get him to listen?
My father is 86 and now not taking his meds, he is gambling and doesn't have the money for rent. He won't listen and he talks crazy about suicide. My sister and I are at our wits end and he refuses to listen. He is like a little child!!
You need to protect him....! His talk of suicide alone would scare me! Hurting his "feelings" is nothing as to protecting his life! Get him help immediately!
cneubeck, I'm sorry. This is a stage. Daddy begged me to help him commit suicide on more than one occasion. How is it that he is able to get to the casino? Is this phone gambling? He won't ever listen to you at this juncture. I don't know what containments you have on the man but be the heavy and take the fall out. You don't want him to hit bottom at his age. This will happen fast enough. I have gone through this too. There is no easy answer. Didn't find one until the cops came and put him in county lock down for observation and medical review. Again, this is a stage & I'm sorry, but it is one we all have or are going through. Don't take it to heart. He is just trying to have some control over his life by presenting the worst case scenario.
..."reminds me of my 21 yr old daughter sometimes".. know exactly what u mean- reminds me of me someties!! hang in there- i know it can eat u up- keep posting- maybe the best u can do now is learning how you can deal with all this loss, sometimes our parents feel or sense and/or react to how we are feeling-even if we think we are being as positive as possible. with my mom - she feels my moods and the aides moods, even if we think we are acting like nothing is wrong- but she can feel what i feel, and most of the time, and still at times- i was so frustrated ,not knowing what to do--i dont know if i am saying this clearly- but maybe all u can do is be kind to yourself and work on all this heavy,life changing,everything changing time. it is hard,
Yes, my Mom and Dad were married 59 years, she was the social one and now Dad doesn't really have much to do with anyone else. Hi is in a senior apartment but stays to himself. He is very depressed and it doesn't help that is isn't taking his meds. We do try to do what he wants and not step on his toes. Dad loves to build and paint, but really doesn't have room or the place to do that anymore. My sister and I are power or attorney, but not prepared to take over and upset Dad. I know he needs that but we don't want his feelings to completely be ignored, He's just not happy and would rather be gone. It does break your heart. He would never go to a grief support or go talk to someone, he hates it that they try to interfere and to him, he should have a right to not be here if he doesn't want. It is a tuff choice and I don't think I could forgive myself if I just control him and make him do things but then I wouldn't forgive myself if something happens to him either, I've tried to talk to him about the depression and grief, but he just seems to want to do things on his own, reminds me of my 21 year old daughter sometimes.
You can't "make him listen." But you can do proactive and unilateral things like call in Social Services or lay in protections, legal and practical. Those will also influence him.
I agree that you need to find out the issue. but you must protect him also from doing something that will harm him or kill him. That is where the POA's come in to place. They are there for safety not to take over. At least in my opinion. It is in place so the person is able to make choices still and someone can oversee that they are not dangerous choices. I would see if he can get to a grief support group or something like that and see if that he would be willing to try that. Maybe if you went with him because you are grieving also. (not only for the loss of your mother but your father also.)
were they together a long time?that can be devastating- did he work? was he a social person? was your mom the one who made things work?arrange and plan -?maybe he feels so lost and unable to function-is he open to any kind of help? probably not-change is always hard- what does he like?what did he like to do? to read? hobbies? music?activitieswith you? with anyone? sometimes i wonder do we have he right to take away -by that i mean getting POA and taking control of his decisions , money,etc., to rush in and take over? if this is how he is living, even if it is not healthy, it is his way now- sometimes i think we are so eager to help ,the way we see fit, we forget about how this person feels, his emotions, and how we might deal with it if we were that person, i see how ,with my mom, andher decline, getting all this "help"from the "professonals", doctors,tests,leads to medications that have side effects that are not taken seriously,have serious damage on other parts of the body-the brain-side effects that sometimes are worse than the original problem, and just hastens decline,. i dont know, but i wonder how much we try to control and not comprehend how and why this person is feeling. but this is just my own opinion,my own disgust with my moms care and decline,......
Yes, he definitely is disgusted and fed up. My Mom passed away 5 years ago and he has really changed. He won't have anything to do with the doctors and he is trying to run from some things that are on his record from previous hospitals. Most of the time, he is very competent and sharp and aware or things, but just makes some bad decisions. His license is supposed to be revoked too and he thinks he can just ignore that. This is the hardest thing to ever go through. Thanks for your response.
Do you have a power of attorney for financial and medical made out. If so, find his doctor and have these activated, the the POA would be in charge of his money and the health person would be in charge of that. getting someone in to help him with his meds or looking at placement for him. Otherwise, if the POA's are not done, you may need to contact your county and get a protective placement order for him.
sounds like he is disgusted,fed up, and depressed- i know people like that, the only difference is the age- was he different when he was younger? will he go to a doctor? its hard getting old, not an easy stage-
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yes I agree with that completely!!!
it has to be horrible and frightening to lose control of everything in your life,piece by piece,
k
....
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I'm sorry. This is a stage. Daddy begged me to help him commit suicide on more than one occasion. How is it that he is able to get to the casino? Is this phone gambling? He won't ever listen to you at this juncture. I don't know what containments you have on the man but be the heavy and take the fall out. You don't want him to hit bottom at his age. This will happen fast enough. I have gone through this too. There is no easy answer. Didn't find one until the cops came and put him in county lock down for observation and medical review. Again, this is a stage & I'm sorry, but it is one we all have or are going through. Don't take it to heart. He is just trying to have some control over his life by presenting the worst case scenario.
know exactly what u mean-
reminds me of me someties!!
hang in there- i know it can eat u up- keep posting-
maybe the best u can do now is learning how you
can deal with all this loss, sometimes our parents
feel or sense and/or react to how we are feeling-even if we think
we are being as positive as possible.
with my mom - she feels my moods and the aides moods, even if we think we are acting like nothing is wrong- but she can
feel what i feel, and most of the time, and still at times-
i was so frustrated ,not knowing what to do--i dont know if i am saying this clearly-
but maybe all u can do is be kind to yourself and work on all this
heavy,life changing,everything changing time.
it is hard,
sending you hugggggggs!!!!karen
did he work? was he a social person? was your mom the
one who made things work?arrange and plan -?maybe he feels so lost and unable to function-is he open to any kind of help?
probably not-change is always hard-
what does he like?what did he like to do? to read? hobbies? music?activitieswith you? with anyone?
sometimes i wonder do we have he right to take away
-by that i mean getting POA and taking control of his
decisions , money,etc., to rush in and take over?
if this is how he is living, even if it is not healthy, it is his way now- sometimes i think we are so eager to help ,the way we see
fit, we forget about how this person feels, his emotions, and
how we might deal with it if we were that person,
i see how ,with my mom, andher decline, getting all this "help"from the
"professonals", doctors,tests,leads to medications that
have side effects that are not taken seriously,have serious
damage on other parts of the body-the brain-side effects that
sometimes are worse than the original problem,
and just hastens decline,.
i dont know, but i wonder how much we try to control and not comprehend how and why this person is feeling.
but this is just my own opinion,my own disgust with my moms
care and decline,......
i know people like that, the only difference is the age-
was he different when he was younger?
will he go to a doctor?
its hard getting old,
not an easy stage-