My 93-year-old mother is losing her mind. I want to get her help but she says she can be independent and needs no help. But she desperately does. Any advice?

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vrainert Asked March 2011

My 93-year-old mother is losing her mind. I want to get her help but she says she can be independent and needs no help. But she desperately does. Any advice?

Somehow, I can't make the transition from general doctor to a specialized doctor or facility. Her short term memory is gone, long term great. She gets angry if anyone points out that this is happening. It is therefor difficult to get treatment for this because she thinks nothing is wrong. Even if I told her, she would think I am plotting against her. This is not my mother. She does not trust advice. Does not listen. An MRI showed Vascular dementia, but required a follow-up which she does not want to have. I do not know how to deal with her and become so frustrated that we end up fighting. She is obsessed with her body, reading medical books all the time, and her childood, going over the same stories over and over and over again. What to do.

Medicaid

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score 0 · Answer 1

one of those daye liam? im having one too if its any comfort to you. im about as emotionally ill as i was 4 years when i had to get away from mom. problem is she hasnt sucked for the last 10 years, shes sucked for the last 54 years and thats just the ones i can attest to..

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You could have a licensed Clinical Social Worker from a home health agency come to her. They are great at assessing a situation, seeing what is needed, presenting it in a palatable manner and tapping into available resources. Lately i have come across 2 geriontologists (Old peeps MDs) who make house calls! The home health people will know of any in your area.

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She trusts no one. She just had a falling out with her doctor over a confusion about her appointment and never wants to see him again. It's hard to get her into the hospital because she things she is fine. The only way it cd happen is if she were in the hospital for another reason. Her MRI showed vascular dementia and she does not understand what that means. I think you are right, on a certain level she realizes she is losing control. She is in denial big time. It sees cruel to tell her or have a family intervention because she would say we are trying to find fault with her. But thank you for your caring responses.

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score 1 · Answer 4

Do you have medical POA and can you get her an appointment either with a gerontologist or a neurologist? Your mom is in denial big time, plus she is probably afraid of loosing control of her life.

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score 1 · Answer 5

Does your mother trust male doctors at all? Women of her generation often view men as the only ones who should make decisions. If this is the case, could you receive help from a team of male doctors, therapists, etc.? They could tell your mother what to do. Would your mother's general physician help you with this? Best Wishes!

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My 93-year-old mother is losing her mind. I want to get her help but she says she can be independent and needs no help. But she desperately does. Any advice?

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