Mom keeps cancelling her appointments and is refusing to see the doctor because she does not want to take a shower and get dressed. What can I do to get her to go?

I would just say, "Mom, come on, I'm going to help you shower and dress and we're going to see the doctor." My mom has Alzheimers and we found that you don't ASK, you TELL in a gentle way. Takes the guesswork out of it for her so she doesn't have to make a choice, which is hard, because questions are confusing to her. She doesn't know the answer. Lead her in a gentle way but be firm about what is going to happen.

Dando: your profile states that you mother has depression. Although I am not a doctor, the behaviors you list are text book examples of depression. Not wanting to go out, staying in bed, lack of personal hygiene, and overall isolation ALL symptoms of depression.

Does your mother live alone? If she does, something needs to change. Talk to her doctor and review her medications, perhaps the doctors office could call your mother asking her to come in, like someone said, regarding medications/ prescriptions, or anything else that would get her to the office.

Find ways to improve her surroundings. Get 'daylight bulbs' that may improve her mood, instead of dark, dreary interior, why not just invite her outside for a 'few minutes' at a time. Try not to tell her WHAT she needs to do to make life better, but just direct her without words.

It would seem that maybe her doctor could come to HER, if she is unable to go to him? It's worth asking.

God bless you for trying to help, don't stop trying.

This may seem like a silly question but have you ever actually said "You have to"? In the end when we give in, there are consequences for us, so sometimes it helps to remember that we're the grownup now. Would you let a five-year-old refuse to get dressed? I"m not saying it's simple to get that authority across, but you certainly can't get the authority across if you don't own it. I think we sometimes get disempowered by the whole "they're an adult, it's their choice" thing. That has to be balanced out against an attitude of "There are consequences to me if you don't go and I'm not going to let that happen."

Hi,
You didn't mention her diagnosis or her reasons for needing to go to the ER but she does sound as if she may be a bit depressed. Unfortunately, there are very few doctors who will prescribe a medication without seeing the patient first - she may have somehting ELSE going on.
Is it possible for you to schedule an appointment for later in the afternoon so that you'll have all morning to get her going (call her physician beforehand and tell them NOT to cancel her appointment when she calls in).
I also like the idea of telling her that the doctor won't refill her prescriptions unless she's seen (but does she have any that need refills?)
You might also have the physician office call HER and insist that she be seen. Sometimes they have more power than we do.

Shelley Webb

contact her doctor and ask for a anti depressant this might only be needed for a short time to help her through this period of depression. Call her doctor and request a return call explain her moods and daily need to stay in bed.

I had to use the excuse that we needed prescriptions refilled and if she did not see the doctor they would not be refilled you can also say Mom let do lunch out after your appointment schedule it so you can go shopping for new blouse or lunch a reward for going. It is almost like your taking care of a child so using rewards may work in you favor. Good luck and hang in there. One day at a time.

No beccause all she wants to do is stay home and be in bed. She doesn't want to leave the house, even if I offered to take her to lunch or dinner. She has been to the ER 3 times in the same month.

Good question. Sounds like my mom. 3 trips to the ER in the past 4 years, yet she will not keep her doctor's appointments. She doesn't like the waiting rooms. She has better things to do. I gave up. I can't force her and neither can my brother, whom she loves dearly. I feel for you.

Will she go if you were to make a day of it? I mean if you tell her you'll be going out for lunch or whatever after, would that give her motivation to get herself out of her robe?