What do you do when you have messed up so badly that there really isn't any way out and you have no one to talk to?
What do you do when you simply can't sleep. What do you you have no feeling about anything except worry and guilt..What do you do when you have no one to talk to. Somebody please tell me, soon.
I have lost everything too because I cared for my mother as her primary informal caregiver. Everything was taken from us by my rich doctor siblings who have not lived in Toronto in over 40 years and did not help in the care for my mother, either physically or financially. They took everything from my young daughter and me and threw us out onto the street in temps that were -20 celcius. We had no where to go and a neighbour took us in. Caring for my mother made me ill and I have been on disability and unable to work. I have a hole in my heart...(isn't it ironic) and had heart surgery that did not work. I am tired but I still can't sleep as I have to try and stop everything in a legal system that does not like poor people, especially caregivers....In Canada we are considered the lowest form of life....I want to change all of that, so I am fighting for change...no one should be penalized for caring for their loved one.
My point is, as Callmeismael says, don't give up. I am trying to keep from drowning and trying to keep my daughter positive in a situation that feels like everyday is getting darker and harder....I am fighting for change...I could not get any lower...I keep reminding myself that it was the right thing to do (caring for my mother), as what kind of society would we have without people caring for each other...
This website is also an extension of that philosophy, ...caregivers caring about caregivers...life is full of struggles...it is who we meet and how we get through each hurtle along the way that makes life life.... Just know you are not alone, even if it feels like it.
Keep fighting....things will look up.. I tell myself that everyday. :)
If it's any consolation, my 105 yo grandmother has taken control of my little Piper Cherokee of life and smashed it straight into the mountain.
I have lost my savings, my house, job, friends, and general self-esteem, and all because of her insane lies, broken promises, and manipulation.
However, I do still have some hope - however slight - of rebounding, should I ever get a chance.
Because you list your mother at 98, there is a good chance that you are running into what I call "The Henny Youngman Effect" in caregiving. In the movie, "Amazon Women on the Moon", there is a scene involving a "funeral roast" (Youtube Harvey Pitnik - it's funny) where Henny Youngman asks, "Why do Jewish men die before their wives?"
The answer is: "They want to!"
Now if we apply that idea to caregiving, it's easy to see that a poor, hungry, freezing, ill-attended centenarian in the Middle Ages would probably not even want to be alive much longer. Ditto for many of the old folks abandoned in nursing homes today.
But for a centenarian who is able to live at home with a full-time servant and companion in the form of a daughter, son, or adult granchild, life may not be so bad. Air-conditioning, large screen TV with hundreds of channels, maybe a pet, food flown in fresh from all over the world - life for a centenarian has never been so good in the history of the planet.
So the staggering implication of this "effect" is that maybe our statistics on longevity are inaccurrate. It is possible that many many people would live this long, if only their family members would subordinate their entires lives to the care of their elder. Especially if they have an ideal diet and a stress-free environment.
Anyway, I realize that was getting off topic, but I think that by posting here you might find people who are going through similar situations. Maybe that will help a little.
When I feel backed in a corner, I try to make just one small change that will make my situation better. That way, I feel that I am not "stalled" and am moving forward. Not sure what is making you so hopeless....counselling could help. You need to be able to air your issues in a safe and productive environment. good luck
Deep Breathe..!!! Sounds like from what little you posted you could be in "burn out" mode, which can make you feel like you continue to make bad decisions and then think you messed up. You sound tired, depressed and needing a break. Take a walk, go get coffee for 20 minutes, call friends and ask about them and their life. Contact your local Area on Aging for support for your loved one as well as YOU..!!!! Locate a support group, so you will believe that YOU are not alone. Bless you my friend!!
I think vstefans said it well. We all lead lives of quiet desperation. Some times are more trying than others. We remind ourselves that the sun will come out tomorrow - 24 hours can make a dramatic difference in the way we feel. Not to say that one will be on top of the world, but that snake pit you feel you are in today will be a memory tomorrow.
If one is having more bad days than good, help can be secured from a number of sources - your general practitioner may prescribe an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety med. Seeking someone to talk with therapy wise - just to vent - just to get validated - can help.
Try to keep your chin up and let us know the source of your pain.
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My point is, as Callmeismael says, don't give up. I am trying to keep from drowning and trying to keep my daughter positive in a situation that feels like everyday is getting darker and harder....I am fighting for change...I could not get any lower...I keep reminding myself that it was the right thing to do (caring for my mother), as what kind of society would we have without people caring for each other...
This website is also an extension of that philosophy, ...caregivers caring about caregivers...life is full of struggles...it is who we meet and how we get through each hurtle along the way that makes life life.... Just know you are not alone, even if it feels like it.
Keep fighting....things will look up.. I tell myself that everyday. :)
If it's any consolation, my 105 yo grandmother has taken control of my little Piper Cherokee of life and smashed it straight into the mountain.
I have lost my savings, my house, job, friends, and general self-esteem, and all because of her insane lies, broken promises, and manipulation.
However, I do still have some hope - however slight - of rebounding, should I ever get a chance.
Because you list your mother at 98, there is a good chance that you are running into what I call "The Henny Youngman Effect" in caregiving. In the movie, "Amazon Women on the Moon", there is a scene involving a "funeral roast" (Youtube Harvey Pitnik - it's funny) where Henny Youngman asks, "Why do Jewish men die before their wives?"
The answer is: "They want to!"
Now if we apply that idea to caregiving, it's easy to see that a poor, hungry, freezing, ill-attended centenarian in the Middle Ages would probably not even want to be alive much longer. Ditto for many of the old folks abandoned in nursing homes today.
But for a centenarian who is able to live at home with a full-time servant and companion in the form of a daughter, son, or adult granchild, life may not be so bad. Air-conditioning, large screen TV with hundreds of channels, maybe a pet, food flown in fresh from all over the world - life for a centenarian has never been so good in the history of the planet.
So the staggering implication of this "effect" is that maybe our statistics on longevity are inaccurrate. It is possible that many many people would live this long, if only their family members would subordinate their entires lives to the care of their elder. Especially if they have an ideal diet and a stress-free environment.
Anyway, I realize that was getting off topic, but I think that by posting here you might find people who are going through similar situations. Maybe that will help a little.
Good luck, and don't give up.
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Not sure what is making you so hopeless....counselling could help. You need to be able to air your issues in a safe and productive environment.
good luck
Bridget W
Why do you feel this way?
I think vstefans said it well. We all lead lives of quiet desperation. Some times are more trying than others. We remind ourselves that the sun will come out tomorrow - 24 hours can make a dramatic difference in the way we feel. Not to say that one will be on top of the world, but that snake pit you feel you are in today will be a memory tomorrow.
If one is having more bad days than good, help can be secured from a number of sources - your general practitioner may prescribe an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety med. Seeking someone to talk with therapy wise - just to vent - just to get validated - can help.
Try to keep your chin up and let us know the source of your pain.