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T
tenasiman Asked April 2011

I am a single male, taking care of my father and my grandmother with little support from family. How can I get more help?

My family is very busy and I have to leave my home during the day to work. I have to leave my father alone for up to three hours. I have called several organizations for assistance but I either make too much money or due to my father's and grandmother's assets they are not able to recieve more benefits. I feel my family tells me how much more I can do and how I do not ask for their help. I was recently reported to Adult Protective Services because they felt as if they three hours my father and grandmother asked to be left alone was unreasonable and too long. I have no idea what to do and where to turn. I do not have the money to hire anyone for the three hours three days per week and weekends. Any advice? I feel very guilty as if I am not doing enough even though the people I take care of tell me I am doing too much.

toadballet1 Apr 2011
Contact your family members and ask them to pitch in by hiring a paid caregiver to come in during that three hour period each day. They should not be crticizing you if they are not going to be part of the solution.
Personally, I have not had much luck in contacting my Offices on Aging...they just give you a bunch of telephone numbers to call...and when you call them you get more numbers. Also, many budgets are being cut for many programs.
Do your parents belong to a church or organization whose members can help out at least once a week?
You mention that your dad and grandmother have "assets." Use these now to pay for care. If they ever need Medicaid assistance, you will have to spend these funds on them in order to qualify...so use them now. It is appropriate for them to pay for a small amount of their care especially when you are doing everything else. If the other family members complain...welcome them to come by during those hours to help you out...that should take care of them!

Stldaddysgrl Apr 2011
You're doing so much already. You are a blessing to both. You mentioned they had assets. Anything liquid you could use to pay for extra care? You also mention you have family reporting you, how about a family meeting complete with take home calendars where they can commit to those timEs or pitch in to pay for help. If you ask for help, most of the time they Run for the hills or they help. Win win situation...

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NancyH Apr 2011
I don't know if you have an adult day care in your area or not, but that might be an option. They would go there for those 3 hours a day and do whatever they do there.
I know, I'm a fountain of information in that area (ha) but I DO know they have such a thing here in our area.

Debrah Apr 2011
Is there an Area Agency on Aging? Find a social worker who might know some connections. What about churches with volunteer services. Even if someone could come sit with them for the three hours, it would help. Pray for God to intervene in this situation so that you can have some help. You are doing the right thing in caring for your parent and grandparent. I believe God will honor that.

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