The quality of care at dad's community has changed, and not for the best. He wants to move, but I just can't face it. What should we do?

In the end, it's your decision. Moving him is hard, but seeing him go downhill in a substandard home will be harder. You don't want to end up feeling guilty. Is there someone outside of the family who can help you move him? Siblings who can/will kick in? Anyone - so you don't have to handle this alone?
If there are better choices, I'd at least check them out. Sometimes taking baby steps makes things doable, when looking at the whole picture is too much.
Take care,
Carol

Move him then call social services and the newspaper to do a solid for the folks that are left.
It may be hard to move him but like Carol says, it will be harder to watch him suffer and then you get to live with the quilt that will come even though you know you don't deserve any guilt.
I like what sak said... hire someone to help you with the stuff. The phone calls you can make and you can have a week of free lunches to boot!!
is your dad able to get in the car with you and go to lunch? If you are working full time and YAY if you are, lunches on Sat and Sun? til you find the right place?
I know it looks like an insurmountable task.... one phone call at a time, that's all you have to do to start...
good luck and keep us posted. This site will keep you sane!
lovbob

If your father wants to move, you will just have to make it happen, one way or another. But definitely, once the move has been made, let it be made known to "the powers that be" why your father felt the move was necessary. Maybe your local newspaper would be interested in the story?

Put yourself in your dad's place. Think how you would feel if it was you. Move him my friend. He could be in serious danger from bad foods, wrong medicines etc. But if he is so unhappy, would you not want to go thru just anything to keep him happy. He IS your dad. God will reward you.

I wish there was a nicer, easier way to deal with it. You have to make some calls and find a better place for your dad. Then give whatever notice is required, take the time off work that you need and move him out of the crappy place he's at and into a better facility. If you want it done right, you've got to do it yourself. Sorry, there's no place to hide from this. Good Luck. Find the strength to help your dad. God Bless you.

Move him out. You only have one life to live, and it doesn't get better. Seek a nicer, better place. He'll feel better and so will you. Change is not easy. Go for it.

Let's face it, moving is a HUGE pain in the rear. Having said that though... gotta suck it up and do it. If things are bad enough that someone with Alzheimer's notices it, then move him out.

BOB:

I understand how important stability and familiar surroundings -- bittersweet memories included -- are for someone with Alzheimer's. No doubt you're disheartened by the crumbling of a community that offered comfort and continuity, but the bottom line is that this is about your Dad and what's best for him. Start shopping for another place that offers the services he -- and you -- were accustomed to.

Good luck my friend, and keep us posted.

-- ED

Although everyone said what needed to be said, my response is just affirmation to you for putting words to your feelings -- the first step to facilitating change. You helped me, too, by expressing that first gut reaction. Recently I was faced with my Mom's demand that I take her to see her old Dr that's a 16 hour drive away vs keeping an appt with the new Dr that it took weeks for me to find. Believe me, I was definitely opposed to the idea ... like you said, I couldn't face it. There's so much we do as caregivers that's not pleasant and that requires so much effort on our part. Tomorrow I will be calling her old Dr and making an appointment for her.

I am in a similar situation now and wonder how you resolved this. Did you move your Dad? If so, how did he deal with the transition? I am worried that Dad will have a difficult time making new friends at this point.