My sibling doesn't have anything to do with my family, and I feel I'm better off just caring for our mother on my own. How can I deal with this without resenting my sibling?

DM:

Speaking of your brother/sister in the 3rd person ("the sibling"), is an indication you already harbor some ill will. Resentment festers and escalates, and keeping your distance or pretending the person doesn't exist only makes it worse. In a nutshell, attacking/recriminating -- which I assume is the reason why every encounter ends in disaster -- alienates the individual whose help is needed and expected. His/her guard, therefore, will always be up unless the family adopts an amicable tone and approach in order to encourage him/her to share the huge responsibility of caregiving. The individual in question has been trying to pitch in somehow, otherwise s/he wouldn't come over in the first place.

If every time your sibling visits s/he is made to feel less than, I wouldn't be surprised if s/he told you to go to Hades or fell off the map completely. After all, there's only so much abuse a person can take -- whether deserved or not.

Good luck.

-- ED



-- ED

I meant to say to dseabolt that resentment is not good for anyone

That is a very hard question to answer ,because I am in the almost in the same boat. My girls are wonderful but our boy could care less.. I do not know how old you are but I am 72 and my body sometimes does not do what I ask it to do. Care giving is the hardest thing that I have ever done.. I feel that resentment is good for you. Because then you are stepping down with them. In here someone will give you some good help.Good luck,dmseabolt.