I just started living w/my 87 yr old Grandma about a month ago.Well for the past week a few hours after she takes her evening meds she will out-of-the-blue decide to have a mean attitude & kick me out of her house for no apparant reason.How do I handle this?
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Anyway i did not deescalate it but rather fuelled the scene and we were all yelling. i called them demons and to go to church.
now we dont talk, day one i felt good but now i feel out of wack, depressed and not motivated to do any work or anything. need help.
Next, learn as much as you can about your Grandma's condition. It is easier to not take hurtful things personally when you see how common that behavior is among others with dementia. And you'll pick up tips for coping with various attitudes and behaviors.
Also, interact with others who know what you are going through. This site is a wonderful opportunity for that. If there is a local caregiver support group that holds meetings, that is extremely helpful, too.
Accompany Grandma to all of her doctor appointment, and don't just sit in the waiting room. Be sure you know what she is being told, and that you can tell your observations. Sometimes (no promises) there are medications that can help with troublesome behavior, and sometimes medications cause troublesome behvior and need to be adjusted.
And not least, get some respite -- some time to yourself. You say no other family members will care for her, but now that they are safely off the hook for the 24/7 stuff, are there some who would be willing to take short shifts now and then, so you can get away? You will burn out quickly if you try to do this totally on your own. Otherwise consider hiring some help. If Grandma can't afford that, get in touch with Social Services to see what options are available to you.
Bless you for taking care of dear old cantenkerous Grandma!
Can you make arrangements with a friend or family member? Be sure to have a hotel lined up, just in case.
Let her call the cops. Maybe they'll take her away for an evaluation (and give you a break)
again ,huggggs k
looking back, i think she was in the early stages many years ago--i would get so hurt, and we would not talk for days(i didnt live with her-but very close). its hard sometimes to separate how it hurts us and how frightening it must be to know
things are not right in your head, your frustrated,you cant expressyourself the
way u used to- and many know the road ahead is worse.
i wish now, that i could have been aware enough to not mirror back the nasty
and hurtful words -i wish i could have seen some kind of reason other than
whats wrong with me, we get so defensive- love is so important-
sometimes we have to look beyond what we are hearing with our ears, and
listen on a deeper level. i hate this disease- its so cruel-many dont get it-and even if u do-it still is a nasty cruel fate. btw, mom is still alive,but she was put in a NH about 4 hours away- now that i understand her moods, when i see her- she is just happy i am close enough to hug and kiss. life aint easy- u will get thru this- thisis a great place to connect to. sending u hugggggs k
I do change the subject & I understand she's not in her right mind but it really hurts sometimes. She will call me names & accuse me of trying to steal her house from her or put her in a home.I reassure her that Im here to help her & keep her safe but its just so hard sometimes. I get that fight or flight feeling alot.
Good luck!
One of these days you're going to get sick of it, so start thinking about where you're going to go. But any way you look at it she needs you and you need her.
Get an MP3 and tune her out when she's having an "episode." Do, however, keep your eyes peeled in case she starts swinging or throwing things around the house.
Good luck.