I feel guilty but some days I just wish that God would just take my mother-in-law home instead of watching her decline from Dementia. Am I normal for feeling this way?

Curious: I am so sorry for you loss, but I also feel for you. Please don't feel like you 'willed' it to happen. It's God's will, we are just attending His service.

My mother passed in May 2010 and I also asked for God to end her suffering, and it happened (on my birthday, at 6am). I was sad, but also relieved! I knew her pain was over, I knew I did all I could for her, spend time with her, listened to her when she could still speak, and even sat with her hour on end, happily!

Her life was long (90), not always easy, but she was loved by all. Try not to concentrate on the one day when her life ended, but on all the amazing days she was alive.

Nonamecaregiver: what you are feeling is normal, lonely, sad, tired, frustrated, cut off from everything else that you know, and it is normal for us not to want to see our loved ones in pain,or suffering in anyway. So make their life (and yours) as pleasant as you, get help don't try to do it on your own, and don't forget to ASK for help. Most relatives will not just offer to help, you have to ask. And you should!

You have a wonderful group of supportive people here. Post, read, share and prepare yourself for what will come. You are not alone in your feelings. God bless you for all that you are doing. You won't regret anything you do with love.

Its not wrong to feel this way!! Its hard seeing them loose themselves this way. And really what kind of life is it for them? They feel lost, scared, and confused. And then the body starts to fail them. It is very hard to see! I wish the lord would take my husbands 98 yr old grandmother who I have been caring for for 2 years with alz, and congestive heart failure. She can no longer do anything for herself. And at times is so lost in another world its not funny! What kind of life can this be for her? I know I wouldn't want to keep going if I were her. So I pray every night that the good lord grant her peace. So don't feel guilty for feeling this way, you take good care of her and I feel saying those prayers for peace is helping in her care. God bless you and yours

my mom passed on february 1, 20011 after a long period with alzheimer's. i felt exactly like you as i watched her deteriorate from the disease. i felt guilty because i did not want to see her suffer anymore and wanted God to call her home because i knew it was what was best for her. however, we are selfish in wanting to hang on to our love ones even when the alternative is better from them. not a day goes by that i don't wish that she was still here but i know in my heart that she is in a better place. i miss her so much and i feel sad for my dad the most. they were married for 46 years and now he is alone. i try to spend as much time with him as possible but i can see the void in him. don't feel guilty, you only want what's best for you mother-in-law but be prepared for the pain that you may encounter if and when she actually is called home. i experienced some grief not only because of her passing but because i felt like i "willed" it on her and for that i felt terrible. the best advice i can give you is to cherish every moment you have with her and make the best of it because when she is gone, she's gone. good luck.

mmm thanks for info . i know in the winter time i was just on the edge of black hole lookin into it , thinkin about diving in it but all my friends on gross out and vent out keeps me out of em :-) i love this sites !
i hear ya about siblings runin off and hide . and they find tons of excuses not to help . my kids and hubby helps me when i hollar , in fact my son is comin over sunday so i could go to graduation parties . i love my kids :-) when they help you it tells u they re a blessing and very important person . one day we will reward them when they need help .

I do take Paxil and it helps me with the anxiety. Don't be chicken to take them as they do make a difference. My mom takes them too so she is not depressed and down in the dumps. She smiles alot more then she used too.. Dr just said to do the best I can and to be sure to take time for myself and ask for help. The unfortunate thing is my sister and I do not talk anymore and it is taking it's toll on my family as we are all she has. My cousin has been helping out and that means alot.

noname- i feel ur pain . u are not the only one that feels that way . theres tons of em feeling that way . just live one day at a time and love ur mom for all u can cuz one day she will be called home . my dad has dementia too and its one day at a time .

italian- what did the dr say to u after u broke down bawling and pour ur heart out to the doc ? did he offer u antidepression meds ?
i have been offered but never took em . am lit chicken .

OMG. I have those same feelings. I had to take my mom to the doctor the other day and she was just looking at me so lost. She wanted me in the room with her and it's like having a small child again. When mom left the room I broke down and cried and told the doctor it was so hard to watch someone you love have this disease and it breaks your heart. I told the doctor I know it sounds cruel but I wish God takes mom before she gets to the state of not knowing anyone or losing her dignity. I look at it this way - we do what we can for those we love. This disease is not in our control and we cannot feel guilty for wanting them to be safe and at rest and peace. I hope someday if this disease comes to me, that my family will know that I would be ok if God called me home. As a caregiver it is hard to want to lose those we love yet we know it is what is best for them. No one wants to live their remaining years feeling like they are a burden to those they love the most. Don't feel guilty about wanting what is best for your mother-in-law. We feel guilty because we love them so much. Hang in there. God won't let you down and he will call her home when it is her time.