Is it appropriate that the nursing home requested a meeting with me but will not tell me what it is?

While it is important to be prepared for this meeting, it likely is a required Level of Care plan meeting they have on all patients. I've found they "the staff" become so busy, they forget the simple things (not that communicating with family should be considered a simple task). Anyway, you can always speak with the Administrator. Know that as a family you have rights. I would encourage you to connect with their Social Worker for guidance and details. Best Wishes!

Coach, I am so sorry that you feel that my message was a little over the top. I have dealt with hundreds of nursing homes over the past 20 years and there is a consistency. When you have this level of communication going on in a building, it starts at the top with the administrator. I look at each nursing home as a little kingdom, the administrator is the top dog- king or queen and the DON is the queen ( or prince or princess) . The rest of the staff are the serfs of the kingdom.

everyone responds and emulates the top. When I hear a problem like this, you can go to the administrator. Rest assured, whatever has been going on, has been discussed in many meetings. with many staff. So forgive me, if I seem to be too harsh on the nursing home staff- I know the workings and this is eventually the route anyone with a problem must take to get results.

I always recommend that the family get to know the administration really well first. But, this is a step that I would not hesitate to make in any facility, especially when and if I was blindsided by the team, unprepared. The nursing home industry is regulated more than NASA. they must report everything that happens to a resident to a family member.

Contact your local Area on Aging agency and ask to speak to the Ombudsmen program. They deal with issues related to yours.

dianecarbo is a little over the top. Before going to the Corporate hot lines or State Ombudsmans just try giving the facility Administrator a call. If he/she don't give you satisfaction THEN by all means call the hot lines or Ombudsman. Both will ask you if you have tried talking to the Administrator and if you haven't will suggest that you give that a try first. Good Luck

Gordon, I am confused. The facility has to have a conference , a meeting with the entire team, including the family every 90 days. So this is very disconcerting to me that the facility blindsided you like this.
there should be a resident and a family council group that meets on a regular basis.
If there is one thing that I cannot stress enough is how important it is for the family to get to know the administration and staff VERY WELL.

It is also important to know that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. If this is a large chain, I would call the national customer service hot line with your concerns. If it is a small chain, contact the president of the organization with your concerns.
if it is a family run business or religious organization- go to the head of the organization.
when is doubt, always get the state ombudsman involved. They HATE that. But it sure gets their attention. that, my friend, is the squeaky wheel getting the grease.

They want to have a meeting with family, to tell you whats going on with your family member.

unfortunatley not in my area its been two days I have yet to have any one call me the last time she couldn't even remember my name or the DON's name

There is the Ombudsman agency that you can contact about long term care facilities - here is a link : http://www.ltcombudsman.org/ombudsman and here is a link for more info on how to deal with long term care facilities. Believe me homes do not like for you to know very much ...I know of this due to working so long in facilities for the elderly. The Ombudsmen do listen...believe me.
Good luck !!

There is someone who can help you , they are called Obudsman (spelling I don't know). Call your Social Services they can tell you. They called me and my sisters to the home to talk about our mom and it ended up concerning her difficulties she was being there to the staff, (like she would take her clothes off and they would find her buck naked) but at 97 years she did not know what she was doing. They suggested we send her to Butner to a home for uncontrollable patients but I said a definite NO WE WILL NOT because i had heard of the treatment they received there, so they dropped the idea, and never called us back in. I or one of my other sisters were there most every day to see that they treated mom right. so don't let them pull anything on you. God bless and good luck.

All states have organizations to help family members in such cases. The nursing home should have provided this information to you upon admission and also should have this information posted in the home. It is a federal requirement for all facilities who receive medicare and medicaid funding. As for why they are having the meeting, I would suggest you contact the facility Social Services department. If the can't give you an answer call the administrator. Good Luck

Gordon: I know this may make more work for you, but have you consider spreading out your search to neighboring towns? It may be worth having him a few miles away if he is getting better care. I know he feels comfortable at his NH (my Mom really reacts to change) but he entrusted you to advocate for his health. Even if you have to limit your visits to twice a week or so, you can at least rest at night knowing he is cared for properly.
There are lots of red flags in your posts and I read fear and frustration in your voice. I would be worried too.
Keep him there for now. Start searching for other avenues for care. Talk to the folks at your senior center about where their loved ones reside. Ask friends and co-workers about their family...everyone my age has someone who is in a facility. I also find that talking to the social workers at my local hospital helped a lot. Another great resource are adminstrators at assisted living centers because many of their residents transition into NHs and they know the best ones. Their feedback is the best you can get.

Get an elder care attorney who will advocate for your Grandfather! Is it within the realm of possiblity to move him to a more appropriate facility? I know this is hard. I cared for both my Grandparents and also my parents. take care and God Bless!

I have been very involved in both my grandparents care for the past 3 years, my grandmother died a year and a half ago leaving my 91 year old grandfather alone after 62 years together. He has been in current facility for the past 2 1/2 years about 6 month ago new administration came in the thats when all the regular nurses were fired and aides have been changing on dailey basis . Can any one tell me how often nursing home residents receive their physicals ? I just found out my grandfather only had one and that was when he was admitted to the facility.
The social worker is also new in this facility with no previous nursing home or elder care experience she has no idea what to do or had yet to offer any assistance. The advocate is imposible to reach and the last time I asked for her help she couldn't even remember my name. So I am out of options.

I think the key word is "Good Nursing Home" unfortunatley this one is not. The meeting was to " blindside me" which is not the first time they have used this approach. I did bring a friend and thank God I did. The story is very involved and unfortunatley my 91 year old grandfather is being used as their excuse for neglagent care. If any one knows advocate or atturney in Ohio to help me
with protecting his rights I would greatley appreciated.

Most nursing homes have pt advocates notifiy this person, and ask for some help. Do youhave a social worker or know of one. I would encourage you to contact someone to go with you. In my mind it is poor policy for them to not tell you what it is regarding. Is it a routine visit with staff? I wish I was able to go with you. take care and let us know what is happening...

we get these request also. first time i thought they were going to move my sister out for some reason. turns out only a meeting to BS us about what is going on.
How good she is doing and yada yada!! after we told they she was not being bathed enough and hair and nails always dirty, clothes not changed everyday, and on and on. things changed for a few weeks. they back to the same ole crap.
we have to go and complain. squeaky wheel gets the oil. we are still not 100% happy but its better. Oh by the way this is Brian Center in Eden North Carolina if anyone is thinking about using them.

My mother's rehab/conv. has a meeting two weeks after the patient is admitted, and after that it is on a quarterly basis. I'm thankful that they do this, because they can keep me updated, and it gives me an opportunity to give my input. (I.E. my mother talks about going home often) If we are all on the same page, we are going to be giving her the same information--"this is a transition time for her and the best situation for her at this time"...) I'm not saying one thing to her only to have the staff say something entirely different. We can have a "game plan" and stick to it. We do the same thing at our school when we have conferences with the parents of our children. I think it is a great idea. Please keep us updated as to what the meeting was about. It is never easy if it is a difficult situation to for either party to discuss the issues, but hopefully you can all come up with a good solution to benefit all involved. :)

I agree (once again) with Lilliput. Get a reason for the meeting first and tell them you will not attend until after you know what it's about. You need to go into the meeting prepared. It may not be anything to worry about, it may be just a routine update. But sometimes administration just kinda takes it for granted that the caregiver is "just supposed to show up" when they want to discuss things. Also, take a notebook and write down everything - not just at meetings but ALL the time. I always walked around the hospitals and rehab centers with my notebook and pen and documented EVERYTHING I observed with dates, nurses and staff names next to it. I had the date on the page the moment I walked in the door, and went from there - even wrote down things that mom mentioned to me or that I heard from her roommate or in the hallway - whether good or bad. At meetings I was always writing things down - we tend to forget things an hour later after we leave the meeting. You'd be surprised how many times those notes came in handy weeks later. It also made staff very nervous (as they called me the "girl who always takes notes") because they knew they couldn't say or do anything without it being documented. See if your County has a "Council on Aging" that can assist you. First I would speak with the Social Worker at the facility - I found them very helpful with my mom and I - and they are not there supporting administration, they are there helping the patient and caregiver. They should assist you with information and if things are not being run correctly at the facility - they will know the organization to call and report it. When I told the social worker at my mom's rehab of a comment made by staff at a local assisted living facility that I was checking out, she immediately picked up the phone and called authorities and reported them. So check out the social worker to help you, tell them you will not attend meeting without first knowing what it's about, and DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT everything you see and hear. Good luck. Keep us posted.

Go and find out.

I hope that you have a notebook or clipboard with you everyday, and document every single substandard incident.

What did the meeting turn out to be about?

This actually came from Nursing home administrator. My grandfather has been there for 2 and a half years. 6 Month ago all staff including administration changed we had problems with medication wrongley being dispenced or not dispenced at all , residents who are wonderers have come in to my grandfathers room in the middle of the night and the administration blamed him for this. The care is diplorable but at this time I have no wear to move him and he does not want to leave. I am there every day and see the neglect and have voiced my complaintes over and over. I have cought nurses leaving medication on his night stand and so much more. Omundsman have very little knowledge and are imposible to get time to talk to.

I would make them tell me what the meeting is about -go fathur up the chain of command right to admistration if need be so you are not wasting your time and refuse to meet them until you know what it is about so you can prepare for the meeting-most good nursing homes have family meeting 2 weeks after admision and if in rehad each few weeks and about every 6 months for residents but these are always explained to the family-if you do not get answers go to your state board of health with your concerns.

This facility has had numerous problems for the past six month .Thank you ! The problem is there are no organizations to help family members who have loved ones in the nursing home.

Wow...why on earth would they talk to you this way? Has there been an incident lately? Sometimes these places get too caught up in the administration and forget that they are dealing with human beings.
I would be a little suspicious if they have turned down your request for information. Two things you could consider: Tell them you cannot attend until you have the reason for the meeting. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, take someone with you who can be a second set of eyes and ears.
It may not be anything to worry about, on the other hand you have to protect your grandfather's rights.
good luck...let us know what happened

Yes its for my grandfather I repeatadley asked but have bee ignored what should I do its today ?

If this meeting is for a family member, call and ask what it is regarding so you can come prepared. I never go to a meeting without preparation...I don't enjoy being "blindsided."