My spouse with dementia, injured me so badly I had to have eye surgery. How do I tell our adult children I cannot live with him anymore?

You need to tell your children up front what happened. Alzheimer's changes personalities and can make the most gentle person act aggressively, out of fear. This signals a time for outside help, preferably a memory unit where the staff knows how to handle this stage of dementia. Your children should understand this. If they don't, they need to talk with the doctor about it. You can't be put in harms way.
Take care of yourself now, please!
Carol

Umm ... in English? (Unless you are all comfortable in another language.) I hope that doesn't sound flip, but the way to tell them is to tell them.

Are your children in frequent contact? Are they aware of what shape their father is in? What part of the situation might come as a surprise to them?

What kind of placement are you considering for him? Would you like your children to get involved in helping to find an appropriate facility?

If it is at all possible, I would suggest a family meeting. If one child can't come because of distance, consider a speaker phone for their participation. Gather some materials beforehand, such as pamplets about the kind of dementia he has, information about placement options, a list of the medications he is on, a list of the doctor appointments he has had, the things you have done to try to remedy the situation, etc. Try to be very matter-of-fact about what he has done to you. Make it clear that you know he is not acting in his right mind and you are not blaming him or punishing him. You simply need to do what needs to be done. If you think this might be a difficult or confrontational meeting, perhaps you can involve a professional, such as a social worker, to help facilitate it.

Of course you want your children to understand and to accept and support your decision. Keep in mind, though, that it is your decision. You would like their blessing but you do not need their permission.

I sincerely hope that your children rally around and support your decision and also support their father in any way they can.

Come back and tell us how this works out. We care.

I am sure your children will understand. Hey if they don't like it then maybe they can take over. Well we all know that won't most likely happen. At least they will get the message and you will still be able to see him at a nursing home or your adult childs house.

You will need help if he continues to live with you, so muster up your strenth and get it over with and tell them the truth and your feelings.

It's like you said, you have 'adult' children. They're not babies anymore that you have to protect, so just sit them down and explain what's happened to their dad's behavior as a result of the Alz. They'll understand when you tell them that for your own safely you're going to have to make other arrangements for him. Reassure them that this doesn't mean you don't love their dad, it's the disease.

I was going to comment - but first read everyone elses comments. The first one - jeannegibbs - said it all in the first post; the other 3 also backed the first up. So I think it's all been said already. Good luck!

Agree - Dangerous is dangerous by definition, there is no real way to sugar-coat it. I have found that those who are not personally involved with a question of caregiving find it disgustingly easy to 'shrug it off'. Why not? You are handling it, NOMB. In fact, I have had the experience that if I use strong language to try to empress them, they 'get their backs up', get more distant and still do not get invested (denial?). Discomfort, that is, the uncomfortable aspects of caregiving, is one thing which can be dealt with, bodily injury when something as valuable as your eyesight may be involved is another. Disagree with naheaton - possibility is that they still will not understand, if they do, fine but this is another unfortunate side effect of their not being personally invested (has not happened to me anyway). You must follow your own lights and do what you must.

MindingourElders said it best. I hope you follow her advise before anymore harm comes to you. Your husband has no idea that he is hurting you or anyone else that might get in the way. Regardless of what your adult children think or say, you have to protect yourself.

I can well understand your reluctance to make a hard decision like this though - I mean, compared to a lot of contributors, I do not really have it that bad, at least mom does not have dimentia or alz, she is just cripple, cantankerous, and disagreeable, but I have already told her that in our tiny little cottage, if it comes to the point where she cannot get to the bathroom, or I have to start changing diapers and giving injections, I will not be able to physically handle that, having my own problems, so she will have to go to a nursing home, but until that day actually comes, I know (back to the point) that if I am the one who has to make the decision, I would have all sorts of guilt not only from myself, but piled on me by her, too. Your situation is also complicated by the irrelivant opinions of your do-nothing relatives. So, as I said,I can well understand your reluctance to do this, but also as I said, my own safety is not as involved as yours is. What has to be done, must be done. Protect yourself first, if something serious were to happen to you, who would that benefit??? Common sense has little to do with it, it is just a matter of facing a reality you did not ask for.

Desperate: I guess you are desperate.... for common sense. Either he goes or you go. It's that simple. Tell you adult children what happened and tell them that you are leaving.