How can I lessen the stress for my mother of moving to a new state, getting to know new surroundings and making new friends?

When I moved my Mom, she got a real kick out of flying first class. On AirTran it wasn't that much more expensive and being in a larger first seat on the plane was a real advantage. She had never flown first class before.

chachob, I assume that you can't sign for it because he is now "competent" to make his own decisions while he wasn't while he was severely sick. Is the rehab center part of a Nursing Home? Could he simply move from one unit to another in the same facility, and stay indefinitely, paying for it, of course. If he wants to live in a nursing home, would that be so awful? In her 90s my dear aunt walked the few blocks to her town's care center where she had worked for many years and said she guessed it was time she moved in. As far as I know, no one tried to discourage her because she might have been eligible for AL or could have moved in with sveral different children. She lived there until her death at age 100. Part of me understands why you would not want him in a nursing home, but another part of me wonders if that would be such a bad idea, if it would give him courage.

I suggest you fly out there for a week; long enough to research the neighborhood. Find community centers, entertainment, make small talk with people. In other words, "case the joint" before taking Mom out there. She'll still feel like a tourist in her own country, but will adjust quicker if you can give her the heads up on what's in store for her when she gets there. Good luck.

jeannegibbs-Yes he is in a Rehab unit in a nursing home. His medicare coverage ends tomorrow. He has rescoures to pay for a couple of months and then will be medicaid eligable--after he is tapped out and then they will take his pension and ss check etc. The rehab staff says he is perfectly capable of going to assisted living or w/ family. He can stay with his son and daughter in law-he works at home and she is a nurse. It is perfect! He can also stay at my house with aides while I am at work. He won't hear of assisted living. But Gramp has this fear of leaving the nursing home saying he needs more care than he does and they (and we) don't know how to get him over that--he has been in great shape till this illness and then was very near death before he fooled the Dr's and started recovering. It is assumed this is the source of the fear. Since he won't sign a consent for a psychologist, the home won't call anyone in. I don't know why I can't sign for it as poa and health care proxy as I have signed for everything else in the past 5 months. Thanks

chachob, is your grandfather in the transitional care unit of a nursing home? Medicare only covers those for a limited time period. If he is in TCU, they are intended to be temporary. He will have to move whether he accepts it or not.

If Grandfather wants to continue to stay someplace he can receive a lot of care one question is can he afford that? Does he have assets and income sufficient to pay for assisted living, for example? Would he need to qualify for Medicaid or VA benefits to do that? If so, the social worker where he is now can help you navigate that path.

The other question is what level of care does he need? Could he return to his home if he had sufficient support services? Would that be acceptable to him? Would assisted living be appropriate?

Help him figure out what he needs and how to afford it. Take advantage of any resources available to you in doing this, such as the social worker.

Good luck!

1mom, Is this the situation: Your sister lives in AZ. You have been caring fom Mom in a different state. You and your sister would like to move Mom to AZ now, and you will follow in 3 years. Is that it?

What is your mom's health status. You mention that she forgets conversations. Does she have dementia? Other health concerns like diabetes, chf, etc.? Will she be moving in with your sister or into a facility? A little more information may elicit more suggestions. I think ladeeda has some good ideas.

1mom: One thing that really helps (if it is financially possible, or you have ff miles) is to fly first class. There is more room and you get better service. Also, you have a bathroom that is close by. If your Mom needs any mobility devices (walker, transport chair, etc.) ask the airline to put that into their notes. At the airport, you can have a wheelchair waiting and someone to help get you through security and to the gates. Make sure you pack all your Mom's meds, etc, in a shoulder bag. I travel light, all carry on. The other things you can ship ahead.
Are you moving to be near your sister? (that would explain that weird comment about moving causing her condition to become "severe.")
If you need to move to have help with your Mom or for your job...you need to do it sooner than later. If you wait, perhaps your Mom will not be able to travel.
In terms of "settling in" to a new place, tell your Mom that you will be doing it together. Make it a new adventure. When she shows signs of anxiety, just redirect her attention to something positive or an advantage to moving to your new home.
good luck...

How do I convince my grandfather to LEAVE the nursing home? Staff says he needs help but doesn't need nursing home care. He can do much more for himself than he will admit. He doesn't want to go home or to live with family members. Fear of falling appears to be a big problem. His PT says he even denies doing certain activities even though they he has clearly done these activities right in front of him. The nursing home won't provide mental health care since "he won't sign a consent for treatment". I don't understand this--I am his health care proxy and have power of attorney and they say I can't sign for this even though I have signed for every other thing.....Medicare runs out next week to top it off! help

How do I convince my grandfather to LEAVE the nursing home? Staff says he needs help but doesn't need nursing home care. He can do much more for himself than he will admit. He doesn't want to go home or to live with family members. Fear of falling appears to be a big problem. His PT says he even denies doing certain activities even though they he has clearly done these activities right in front of him. The nursing home won't provide mental health care since "he won't sign a consent for treatment". I don't understand this--I am his health care proxy and have power of attorney and they say I can't sign for this even though I have signed for every other thing.....Medicare runs out next week to top it off! help

when r u moving?r u moving with her?(physically)
I think I misunderstood- did u say in 3 years?
hugs to u
k

Of course it is going to be stressful for her. But possibly with constant reassurance tho she may not remember from one conversation to the next... And if all her medical information is waiting there, a new dr. already on board, then a check up immediately will help set a base line... also there would be someone familiar with her and could possibly help with something for anxiety... she can also possibly be started on something for anxiety BEFORE the move, to help with the plane ride, ect..
She may have a certain amount of depression or anxiety with new surroundings, but if she is to be moved, then anticipate a certain amount of distress coming from her.. Even people without elder issues face the same issues when they have made a major move... I would give her some time in her new environment then possibly a day care where she could meet new friends... Just lots of love and reassurance, a new Dr. waiting, and having things set up for her when she gets there... it will be an adjustment for everyone, but that does not mean it will cause a decline, she may adjust very well after a period of time... good luck and prayers and angels sent your way for all about to happen..let us know how things go...