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brandywine1949 Asked September 2011

What can I do if my 88-year-old mother fired the caregiving agency?

My 88 year old mother, a dear person, who used to be very sweet, has become very cranky and crabby. She has dementia. She has been living at home with a little help from an agency. Today we got a letter from the agency that they are dropping her because of her attitude. This is a very small town with no other agencies. The assisted living centers won't take her bc of dementia. Sibs won't put her in the NH and they won't take her in and I can't bc I am disabled and my husband has dementia. She definitely can't stay alone. We might have found a lady who would come in 7 days a week for an hour or two. But Mother fights with and yells at everybody who comes in, including me and the sibs and all her former friends. A really great mother. Sibs are uncooperative on the NH issue. What would you suggest we/they do with her, it is an emergency.

jeannegibbs Sep 2011
If you don't think your mom can live alone, she probably can't. But why not have an objective outsider with training and experience come in an make that evaluation, and suggest options. Mariesmom gave a good starting place.

mariesmom Sep 2011
brandywine -if your mother is in trouble make the call. you don't need your siblings permission to help your mom.

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jeannegibbs Sep 2011
What kind of medical care is your mother getting for her dementia? Besides being crabby, what are her issues? Does she hallucinate? Have delusions? How is her memory? Does she wander? Does she sleep well? While there is no cure for dementia, the individual symptoms often can be addressed by medical professionals knowledgable about dementia. If she lives in a small town, this may require traveling to a city for evaluation and treatment. Getting her good care may improve her coping skills.

brandywine1949 Sep 2011
Thank you for your advice. I should have mentioned that whatever idea like the above idea is shot down and I get no say in it.

mariesmom Sep 2011
Try calling your state agency on aging. Google it. Or your county department of family and childrens services -ask for senior services. This is a good place to start.

brandywine1949 Sep 2011
Actually they fired her. I wasn't being sarcastic when I said a really great mother. She came to my rescue when I was being bullied in the 5th grade and I still appreciate it.

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