How do I get rid of my parents caregivers?

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Debi58 Asked September 2011

How do I get rid of my parents caregivers?

These caretakers are all from one family, which at first seemed great. They could cover for each other But lately they have been scheduling 2 people at a time without prior authorization by me..who has POA.They say it takes 2 hours to give my mom a shower. YEA sure it does! My Aunt invited my parents over for dinner to get them out of the house so we could remove junk, etc and reconfigure surveillance cameras. They called my aunt instead of me to see first if they could change the time of her dinner, second to see if 2 caretakers could come instead of one because mom was so "difficult to manuver". Thus, we would be paying 2 caregivers for 4 hours ..even though there were going to be people there who could help move mom.. These caregivers would not return my calls....when I was trying to see who would be working that day. They were doing this all without my knowledge until my aunt called me because she thought I should know what they were up to. When I finaly got a return phone call they were very defensive, telling me how they do the best for my "folks", and in the end I felt they were trying to make me feel guilty about not giving them the extra help. No matter that they have already gone over the yearly budget for care....and all this money is going into thier families pockets. I have even contacted a former caregiver to help out, and they get very weird when I mention bringing her in to help once in a while.

when i called the 20 year old daughter and asked questions about if they were taking moms shoes off because she got a pressure sore which was turned into an ulcer....she started getting very challenging with me on the phone....saying "you would know you have cameras here..." As I told her I don't sit around all day watching them on camera....I watch my parents when they leave..to keep an eye on them as my mom has Alzheimers and dad is getting dementia. She was very disrespectful. She calls her mom who is hte leader of the group...instead of me. It is very worrisome. Any ideas?

Deb

Home Care

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score 0 · Answer 1

I would fire them them and start fresh! Anytime someone that works for me tries to sidestep me and go over my head or is disrespectful, that is reason to terminate. I also agree that you definitely don't want family members working together. That is a recipe for collusion and fraud.

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score 0 · Answer 2

I work for a Home Health Care Agency and if you did not tell me I had Care Partners like that I would scream. FIRE them..!!! The next people you look into hiring ask for State Survey results, References, Dementia Capable, Does their DON do bi-weekly visits? Just some general questions, as well as are your Care Partners Drug Tested, National Back round and Sexual Offenders checks? You as POA should be called with ANY and ALL issues with your parents. Baths DO NOT take two hours, 60 to 75 minutes at the most, if they are efficient they can clean both patents in that time frame with one Care Partner. Ask your friends for references on local Home Care Agencies. Send me a private note if you want any more questions to ask. YOU are the decision maker and the agency should go through YOU for everything.
Blessings,
Bridget

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score 0 · Answer 3

I would let them know that their services are no longer required. I would also change the locks on the doors. Good luck to you. I'll send out a prayer for a positive resolution.

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score 0 · Answer 4

I also agree that you should fire them at once. People who are doing a honest care giving job are not going to be so defensive of simple questions from their employer. Sounds like they are dishonest and aren't the type of people you want looking after your parents. Their are alot of reputable home health aides that can furnish great references, and not try to lie to make more money for work that isn't being done. Yes wise to remove them from your parents care, ASAP. kellyb

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score 0 · Answer 5

GOOD FOR YOU having cameras! im a big beliver in them.but yeah, get rid of them..

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score 1 · Answer 6

My heart goes out to you in this situation...so many paid caregivers do things like this and give the rest of us a bad name....somewhere along the line, you lost control of the situation, by trusting them....hopefully next time you will be a little wary before you relax and are assured things are as they should be... but the fact they were doing things behind your back, is a firing reason within itself.... I alway report to the daughter of the couple I take care of.... and I agree with NOT letting them know the camera is there.... that is none of thier business...
And by the way they are speaking to you, they have made the choice to be let go... if they talked to any other "boss" , in any other situation, like that, they would have been fired a long time ago....
what is going thru my mind is that people are sent to us to teach us, so possibly these so called caregivers are teaching you to be more assertive, that guilt is not love, and that your one and only concern is if your parents are not being taken advantage of......thier behaviour is wrong on many levels.... you deserve to be told the truth, to not be bullied by an outsider( or anyone for that matter), because that is what we are "outsiders", regardless of how attatched we may become to our charges......we are NOT family, we are NOT decision makers, we are there to attend to our charges needs, to answer to the family, not to be disresctful on any level for any reason.... If a caregiver thought they were being "mistreated" they would quit in a heart beat......
Courage doesn't mean we aren't anxious or nervous about taking an action, it means we do it anyway, and have faith we are doing the right things for the right reasons.....
I wish you a good outcome with all this, and am very sorry you have had this experiance with them, but they are not the "boss", you are..... hugs to you..

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score 2 · Answer 7

Debi, you're POA, so if you're paying these people then you are the one with all the power. Exercise your power and tell them the money train has derailed. Period.

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score 1 · Answer 8

Not sure if I understand...are you considering keeping these people and adding extra help? No shower, regardless of the impairment, takes 2 hours and requires 2 people...not if they know what they are doing! Also, they should not be dictating the schedule - especially if you are going over budget. If for some reason you keep them on, tell them that you are only going to pay them for the time YOU schedule and no more...if they need more help, it's on their dime. I'll bet they'll figure out how to get it done.
I know from experience that help is hard to find. But if I were in your shoes, I would find these folks a little too scary to be around my Mom. They are testing your limits and are finding lots of leeway. I would be worried too.
Fire 'em. Start fresh. Hire 2 or 3 caregivers from different sources. I draw up a simple contract and a list of duties. When I interview, I ask if there is anything that they are incapable or unwilling to do. That way, they cannot say that they did not know.
Not following your directions and giving your Mom the care she needs, and being disrespectful should send up a big 'ol red flag.
good luck

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score 0 · Answer 9

oops my mistake by gone over yearly budget you mean they have used up beyond what's in the budget. Lilli put had very good ideas for you. I wish you well let us know how it goes.

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score 0 · Answer 10

Thanks for your reply. I do not give them info on finances...I feel that is none of their business. Yes it does sound like a family franchise doesn't it? I did have a wonderful worker who was with us almost 2 and a half years without missing a day...but the agency she worked with didn't offer benefits and she needed to move on. As for the cameras...they know they are there. I feel we need them to monitor both parents when the caretakers are not there, but it doesn't stop us from checking in on them either. I feel if they are so upright..then they should have no problem with the cameras being there. Important papers are gone....I have them. I am hoping to get more coverage from others if I can.

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score 3 · Answer 11

Fire them ASAP...they have a family franchise going on here. I do think it is a good idea to have two caregivers so that you have backup. But I usually hired from two different sources. If I get a "gut" feeling about any caregiver or if Mom doesn't feel good around them, we choose another. There are too many professional caregivers out there...why stick with people who are belligerent with you, do not return your calls, and are overbilling? Using their religion to bilk your mother does not represent all "organized religion." Too bad they think that this is appropriate. No one should be guilting you...you are their employer. Find replacements and give them their pink slips. Really, how nervey of them!!
PS: do not share your "budget," your parent's finances, or any personal information with them, remove all valuables and important papers from your parent's home or buy a locking cabinet for them, and do not tell anyone that you have a "granny" cam...that is your security measure. Go through a professional agency that screens, or get references and do a background check yourself. I tend to hire older caregivers because they have more life and work experience.You may be avoiding a disaster here...things could have gotten much worse.

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score 1 · Answer 12

Sorry I am only allowed to type so much at a time. Anyways, if they say but we love your folks, say as cargivers you should know not to become to attached.I've made my descision its not up for discussion. Do not give them a chance to make you feel guilty, do not give them a chance to make you feel sorry for them. You will only wind up back in the dame situation wishing you had ended it the first time. Of coarse make arrangments for yyour parents to be cared for. Don't give them any time to try to change your mind. Like a bad relationship end it now. Can you take some days off from work? Can your friend help until you hire more help? Where did you come across this famiy of cargivers anyway?

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score 1 · Answer 13

Using your religion to make somone guilty is NOT christian! And Christians would NOT condone lying that it takes two hours to give a shower(I was a shower aide once, and it didn't take 2 hours to give the most difficult resident a shower on the worst day). The guilt thing is a manipulation. You should never feel guilty about questioning your parents care. That's your job. A professional cargiver would not want to know the finacial situation, and they would never go over your head. The "nice" people could be taking more advantage than you think. When you hire a cargiver it is at will, meaning you can terminate at anytime. You do not have to give them a reason, or allow them to argue with you. I do not like confrination, so when I do not want to give somone a chance to question my descision I don't open up for discussion. Simply tell them, you are no longer employed by me, I will not discuss this matter here is your last payment, good luck and goodbye. 2hen they say let's talk talk about it, say no I've made my desision its final! But we love your parents"

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score 0 · Answer 14

Thanks. I was thinking the same thing...but they have lots of excuses for everything and somehow they pull out their guilt card every time and somehow turn everything around back at me! I think they are masters at manipulation. They are also devout bible thumpers.....and somehow use that to build up their character just to diminish mine. No wonder I recoil from organized religion!

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score 1 · Answer 15

You don't have top be nice to these people its your job to make sure your "folks" are cared for, and still have enough money to live on. Im sure they saw your yearly budget and decided to use up as much of it as they can. You must be very cautious. You can find professional cargivers. Another thing to think about. If your parents have dementia, have a family take care of them, it will make it hard for you to know what goes on with your parents, They will all just stick together on anything thast might come up. If you have more than one professional caring for them, you have more people looking out for your folks,instead of each other.

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score 0 · Answer 16

Yes Fire them immedatley! Why are they allowed to look at your yearly budget for your folks? This should be none of their buisness. If she is getting pressure sores, you should be notified as soon as she has a red spot, so maybe it can be prevented from turniog into a pressure ulcer. All decisions on who,what, when, where should be your call not theirs. They have no right to decide how much money you spend on her care, without your consent. And absolutley they have no right to call behind your back and try to work out different arrangments for somthing you have arranged. They should have no problem with the cameras. You don't have to explain that you only watch it when they are not there they should have nothing to hide. You have every right to see what is going on with anyone who is caring for your mom. Fire them ASAP. Thats not professional.

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How do I get rid of my parents caregivers?

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