My father just passed away. Can my sisters force me to show how I spent his money as Power of Attorney?

This is so sad. You did all of that work, and now they want the money. It happens all of the time. I really don't know if you have to show them what you spent, but you may. You would do well to schedule a session with an elder law attorney. State laws vary and so it's hard to say what your state will say you must do. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. They should be paying you some of their inheritance for all that you did for their dad.
Take care of yourself and try to get this behind you,
Carol

I have power of attorney, and I spend my mother' money for her care and my sanity. I keep her assets in track. I hope that my sibling does not want to think I got more than his fair share, if I have to I will use it all for her care. I am saving him money with her living with me, I have never asked him for anything, he does not help me at all with my mother. I will get a attorney if I have to. I do have a cost of living, I lost my job to take care of my mother, I give myself a allowance to provide the same living style that my family was used too. I loss giving into my social security, my freedom, there is no taking that back, it is gone. We all have issues with siblings, when it come to money, they come out and show their real colors! I hate it!

My mom passed away 2 weeks ago. I lived in her home while my 2 siblings lived out of state but still within driving distance. When she couldn't take care of herself, I stepped in, not only as full time caregiver but also as POA. I cared for her for three and a half years before she passed. Last year, I opened a dialogue with my siblings to agree to compensating me out of the estate monies. They both said no. My brother was so outraged that I might get a cent more than him that he anonymously called APS. Of course, after 6 weeks of scrutiny, the case was unfounded and closed. I contacted an elder law attorney to assist me in getting my compensation. He drew up a caregiver agreement between me and my mother stating that, basically, I was employed by her, and what my pay would be. I signed in her place as POA. I debited the wages from her account because my siblings were adamant against me receiving compensation. My mom was at death's s door. Shortly after, mom passed, and I very recently filed the will into probate. I am now terrified that if/when they figure out that I essentially paid myself, they will try to go after it. My mom has in her will that the house is to be sold within a year of her death, and after 12 years of living with her, I will be homeless. This money is literally my future. The only saving grace is that neither of my siblings can afford to hire a lawyer or spend the time going to court out of state. Still very worried though and just want very much to restart my life. Can anyone comment on this particular situation? Would love some advice.

MDG:

Like your sisters, my mother circled around like a vulture until Dad passed away. Instead of "How is he doing?," "How are you holding up?," and "If there's anything I can do, call me," she said "Is that #!(* dead yet? ... I want what's mine."

They split when I was 3 1/2. We lived on W. 22nd St. in Manhattan. At her insistence, he took me to Brazil; where I grew up until the age of 19. She moved back to Puerto Rico w/ my 4 sisters to live in a hovel w/o utilities. None of my sisters finished school, as she taught them the fastest way to live on the lap of luxury was to find old men with money. Bank accounts depleted, they moved to their next target. For the first 5 years after their divorce, he sent money orders for child support. She returned them w/ nasty notes written on toilet paper. "MY daughters don't need charity," "I don't need a man to survive," "Shove the m/o up your ..." So he stopped. But kept copies of the money orders as well as the notes In case my sisters would ask about it someday.

I brought him to NYC to spend his last days w/ me and my sons. My sisters, who also live here and have made a career out of Welfare & SSI/SSD, never bothered to come by. I visited them once to let them know about his status and request assistance, but all they talked about was the poverty they went through because of Daddy. I showed them the money orders and notes. They dropped their dentures, then said they believed Mom. I told them he instructed me to give each one of them the $ he put into 4 savings accounts ($20+K each). They blew the $ in less than a month and called me to get more because they KNEW there was more somewhere and I didn't want to give it to them or spent it all on myself.

I gave them all the bank records: each account opened w/ $1,000USD, and deposits of $300 every month, no withdrawals, and the closing balance. They talked about selling property, valuables, etc.. I explained the only thing they're entitled to was the $ (child support) in the accounts, which is a lot more than my other 18 half-brothers/sisters in Brazil got. As to the property, they're more than welcome to fly down to the middle of the Amazon at their own expense and spend some time with us. They asked for roundtrip plane tickets.

To make a long story short: send them the bank statements along w/ their share. If that isn't enough -- which will never be because they've labeled you a "thief" for life -- they can always take you to court. It seems that tearing you down after they neglected your Dad over 8 years is the only way they can live with their conscience and guilt. You have nothing to hide. Let them sue you, and invite the rest of the family to the court proceedings so they can see with their own eyes what vultures really look like.

Jeesh. I don't envy you! But I agree...If they want to hire an attorney, let them. (Personally, I'd encourage it just to imagine the look on their faces when they realize they'll have to cough up a retainer...followed by the bills they will rack up once they burn thru said retainer like a hot knife thru butter!)

Makes me glad I'm the only surviving child. Before my brother died he lived closer to mom than I did and did nothing. I presume there's nobody who can step up and try to get nitpicky since I am the only heir. Not that it would matter...mom isn't wealthy, I work and we're certainly not living high off the hog. What she had to begin with wouldn't have covered 6 mos in AL.

I vote to sit back and watch them spin their wheels. Priceless.

It's a bluff for them to get you to turn over the records. If all their names are on the accounts as you stated, then they can find out the information themselves. Furthermore, if they want the information they can hire some high priced attorney who will milk them dry of any money they THINK should be in the account and they will look like fools in the end. Good Luck and stick to your guns. Siblings are good at trying to make caregivers look like theives. "What goes around comes around" and it will someday.....

I appreciate your taking the time to answer. Thank you so much. I have decided to 'let them sue' me if that is what they feel they need to do. I have also decided I will not go to the time and trouble to acquire and copy and mail off 8 years of bank records unless a court orders me to do that. Their names are on the bank account so they can do this at their own time and expense.

Very good idea to let them do all the bank work.... I know when my dad died I had questions in regard to my oldest sisters use and abuse of dads money, but chose to walk away sans inheritance as opposed to having to be in the same room with her.... she finally sent some money... I KNOW my dad had a lot more than that, but I just didn't care... it wasn't mine anyway, it was his......
And to this day she will say she was the ONLY one that took care of him... I don't even argue with her... I know what I did and didn't do, do not owe HER an explanation...... Inheritance, sure brings out the worst in people, but you are doing the right thing for yourself... them calling you a theif certainly doesn't make you one...... when they see how much it is going to cost them, I doubt they will persue going to court..... sounds like they got a very fair deal when they never helped.....the greatest thing about this whole deal is YOU!!!! You did what you felt was right, took care of your dad, and they can figure out the rest for themselves... good luck and prayers for you....

Hopeful, if you have sound evidence - numbers, dates, recipients' details, that kind of thing - that your sister has been spending your parents' money other than for their benefit, you do have the option of taking it to APS. Financial abuse is abuse; with objective evidence offered to them they would have to take it up and investigate.

But, of course, that is a drastic step which you may not be prepared to take (I mean this sympathetically - reporting your sister in this way would be at the hard-nosed end of the scale).

As a compromise, you could write down the kind of incidents that have been reported to you and ask her to explain them. Or you could take the details to a specialist elder care lawyer and seek advice.

It isn't okay for your sister to abuse her POA. It is reasonable for you to ask for reassurances that your parents', now your father's, finances and care are being properly managed. The grey area that started this thread is about caregivers under pressure being suspected and badgered by uninvolved family members; that doesn't mean we're not sympathetic to your concerns, too.

Noname, it sounds like you did things right. The only alternative to lawyering up is elder mediation. I am usually all in favor of keeping details open and above board, and I did in fact keep every receipt and statement so I could show where the money went if I ever had to, but it may not be required and some siblings would still find fault and dispute what was really necessary or not, so your call. They may really think that Dad's "big CD" was misspent and documentation that it wasn't could even lead to an apology, and refusing could make them in firmer in their conviction that you were dishonest. I guess a lot depends on what the prospects are for family coming together again versus remaining estranged for the rest of your lives.