What should I say when my dad asks me to stay over every night?

marybethc I have a suggestions, if I may do so.... for you or anyone else that has a parent or loved one or any care giver that is adjusting to the reality of mental illness. The first step is diagnosis and care needs, second step is legal authority to handle affairs (power of attorney or guardianship), then a plan for future care needs and expenses and paperwork in order to do so.
You should have a log or journal....one for behavior and one for expenses.
LOG for behavior because not every person reacts to medication the same way. The meds might cause under eating or overeating. Sleeplessness or insomnia, depression or hyperactivity . The meds should not create abnormal behavior they should balance a person to a stable behavior not sedate a person beyond otherwise capable functions. The log will help reflect on behaviors and how meds and daily interactions or activities are effected. It takes a while for these meds to make a change, so if taken as prescribed and you see abnormal behavior increase not decrease you have something to relay to Dr's and this helps with med adjustments. Dr's appointments, care duties, and daily routines recorded as well. Remember that Dr's cannot know what happens daily unless a person can explain this to them and a person with any type of dementia can not relay a clear picture. Slight changes are important too.
LOG for finances helps you in many ways. If any money is in question of where it got spent you have it written. A paper trail is best, such as direct deposits and checks for solid proof. You can also figure out how much it will cost for future expenses.
You should also start a file of originals and copies of birth certificates, S.S. cards, marriage, divorce papers, vet papers, bank accounts etc. These things are needed in some situations and it's better to be prepared, you don't want to get into a situation where you are not and have alot on your plate and can't focus and have to do all that. I hope I didn't over whelm anyone but this is what I have learned from experience. One day at a time is all you can do.

thanks for the advice! Mom got him in to the doctor yesterday. He just started on Aricept and zanex. He slept straight through last night for the first time in a while. He had been on NO medication before this. He was in the very beginning of Alzheimers they believed. ( and still in a state of mind where he would question what pill you were giving him) He was always very "in control" so it was hard for mom to step up and take over--he was too resistant. Think she was afraid. The last 2 weeks all of a sudden these delusions were happening every night!! seemed to just come on so strong we were not prepared. So I hope the meds will help this new situation.

How long have these nightly delusions been going on? Has this been discussed with his dementia doctor? wuvsicecream is absolutely on the bull's eye about examining medications. Is he taking something that could be causing this? Should be be taking something that could calm him?

She is also on target about the toll this could take on your mother. I went through this for a few months with my husband. A zombie taking care of a demented zombie is not a pleasant sight, nor is it safe. If we couldn't have solved that, I could not have kept my husband at home with me. But his doctor did find a drug that helped. He is still at home going on 9 years later, and he is still on that med.

Delusions are very difficult to control, but don't give up hope. As wuvsicecream says, use your energy to pursue solutions. While that is going on, if you or other relatives could spell your mother once in a while so no one has to lose sleep everynight, that would be awesome -- not as a permanent solution, but while other options are being pursued. I can't tell you how life-saving it was to be able to sleep in the guest room once in a while, while my brother or another family member kept an eye on my husband.

So I guess I'm validating wuvsicecream's suggestions, from difficult personal experience.

MARYBETHC it sounds like your father needs to see a behavioral therapist or a neurologist for mental behavioral stability, and a proper diagnosis of his condition this may be corrected with meds, it is important if he is on meds that they are taken routinely and properly as prescribed. If he's already on meds they may be the cause of these delusions. Sometimes it's hard to know whether it's a med causing things to happen such as this or the condition. I would be concerned about your Mom living with him like this, it takes a toll on those in her situation and one day she may become part of a delusion (a complete stranger) to him and not his wife. You all need for a change of the current situation. You need to be pro active, coming to this site is a start. Before a crisis situation happens make calls about care and there's alot of info on the web. There is alot of help on this site as well. I am concerned for all of you in this ordeal. You staying there doesn't seem like a solution, only temporary if that, and may not even comfort him at all. Try not to feel guilty, use that energy for helping any way you can.