She's always sick & battling with congestive heart failure, double pneumonia, osteoarthritis, fibromalgia, diabetes, & a huge hematoma inside her stomach-which the doctor won't do anything about. Shes been sleeping alot. I have a hard time spending time with her because She's always crabby and mean with me, & a bit controlling. When I want a break, she tells me I don't need one or when I want to go and do something she makes me feel guilty for leaving her alone. She says she wants my company but I'm with her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. (I do get out to do grocery shopping and to go to a religious service but thats it) So my question is What can we do together that may help lift her spirits and maybe make her less grumpy?
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Thanks for keeping us posted, I won't give up on my Mom and Dad even though Dad has long given up and Mom seems to like dweling in the world of "I can't", I'll rest but I wont stop trying.
@AlLarck, respite care sounds like it will fit the bill for you. It's so important that we take breaks and do things that we enjoy. Life marches on, don't get left behind. Best wishes to you.
I agree with Grace that you need to be positive about and live your own life. Learn about boudaries and taking care of yourself. You don't want people feeling sorry for you, or you feeling sorry for yourself, as that will not improve your situation. How would you feel with as many ailments as your Mother has? I would be frightened and feel helpless. Don't allow her to victimize you, but get someone to come in and sit with her. Remember she is afraid, that emotions comes out as meanness in some people. You are a Blessing, Dear One:)
Does she like being read to? Can you find a book or magazine articles that you both would enjoy?
Does music cheer her up at all? (My mother likes things like Lawrence Welk.) Could you enjoy a snack together and listen to something she likes?
How about a project like organizing photographs that have accumulated over the years? Or looking at the season's greeting cards together.
If she wants your company, she might like sitting in the kitchen while you cook and it might perk her up to be asked her advice about how to make various dishes. If watching you do things brings out her critical streak, try to joke about it, or humour her sometimes and try to do it her way. She is a very sick woman; cut her some slack.
Play checkers with her. Do crossword puzzles together.
Also try very hard to arrange some respite care, so that your whole life is not focussed on sickness and crabbiness. As a caregiver I do know how next to impossible that is, and also how essential. Can she be left alone for short periods? Could you join a bowling league or a book club or sign up for community ed cooking classes or do something to get you out of the house on a regular basis? Is there a room in the house that is just yours, that you can retreat to, with the understanding that you are not to be disturbed except for emergencies?
Try not to take Mom's crabbiness personally. She may want to buy you tickets for a guilt trip, but you really can refuse to go! :)
May your holiday be calm.