Is it normal to feel like crying my eyes out or pulling my hair out?

It's perfectly normal to be upset and even depressed about watching people we love age and get sicker. You seem to be having some really heavy responses, so it's very good that you are seeing a doctor. Anti-depressants take time to work and do have side effects. But if one isn't good, another one may work better. Don't give up. It's normal to feel down about these things, but not to stay in an extremely depressed mode. Keep seeing the doctor and look for support. I hope you'll come back and let us know how you are doing.
Carol

My heart is sent to you with love and a big hug to let you know that what you are feeling is normal. However, absorb what is going on around you and work with what you have. Learn to appreciate each day and realise that your parents have had a life and have got to be an elderly age. All the elders I know seem ok about being old, it is the carers and love ones that feel the pain. So this shows us that we are greiving our parents younger years, we cannot bring these years back but we can reflect and think how good they were and appreciate each new day. Each age has it's own beauty. We just have to remember to appreciate our life and not mourn what 'was'. I have experienced nearly 4 years of mourning my still 'alive' aging parents, but now they are both in a nursing home and I am now getting my life back and it feels great! I know your smile will return and the negative will be pushed out with the positive. So each day, smile in the morning, afternoon and evening and say things will one day get better. x

My heart goes out to you. I cared for my dad until he died this past weekend. He was 98 and suffered from Parkinson's Disease. He was very robust until about a year ago and then he started to fail very quickly. There were moments when I would get so angry because he was slipping away and did not seem to want to get better. Of course he didn't want to get better...he lived a long life and was getting ready to go but I loved him so much that I wanted him to go on forever or at least until I was ready to go! What you are feeling is not only normal but believe it or not, it is a tribute to your aged parents that you are going through so much emotional turmoil. If you did not love them, it would not affect you so deeply.

mslisadoll,

I certainly is normal to feel sad when we see our parents age. It is an emotion that is painful, yet you need to feel your feelings. Don't push them aside.
My father is 91 and is in a nursing home. He has dementia and heart problems. I feel most sad when the activity at the home is about old times. But, I want to keep on visiting him as much as I can, even though he has a hard time remember who my Mother and I am. He is getting good care there and adjusted immediately. Some days he talks real loud and is really funny, other days he seems to be in a daze with a frozen look on his face. It is even harder for my Mom, they were married 69 years when he went to the NH. My Mom went to assisted living a week later after living in the home where her kids grew up and where they lived for 58 years. Then us kids had to sell the home. So it is much worse for her because my Dad doesn't remember anything and is quite often happy. I also take antidepressants, anxiety meds, and mood stabilizers and still cry often just thinking about both of them. The sadness just comes about. But, knowing that I can take my Mom to see him and other places and add some joy to her life makes me feel better. You hang in there and keep come back to this group. It is so much help to know that others are going through the same thing and we can all help each other. Positive thinking and prayer will also help.

It is very common to feel like this. It's the anniversary of my dads death today and I'll admit that I've cried every day since then. Can't help it. I also cry over my mother being in a Nursing Home and seeing her rapid decline (with dementia). Keep your chin up - God bless.

if it is not normal...then I am wayyyy out there.. I go through depression and anger and guilt and all kinds of emotions with my mother. She is very alert but her health is failing, she is 83. She spent 7 weeks recently in a home because she was so very sick and they did a lot of rehab with her. Eventually she came home and has been home a week. When asked if I am happy to have my mom home, I cannot say honestly I am happy. I truly enjoyed the 7 weeks of just my life...and when I found out she was coming home, I cried. It wasnt because I dont love her, because I do, I am tired of being the sole responsibility for her...I miss having my life, when she is home, it is all surrounded around her, I even had to get rid of my puppy I had when she had left, because she didnt want him, he was too big for her. But I did it and just went on...she is more important then what I want at this time and I still have a hard time in my head dealing with that...but when all is said and done, I know I am doing what she needs...no matter what.

Oh yes! Most certainly. What you are experiencing, I am going through the entire same thing, and I've been on an anti-dep. long before my dad came to live with me. I used to get migraines every other day, and my dr. tried me on many things and turned out Paxil keeps them at bay. Paxil back 10 or so years ago was difficult to get used to, I was off the wall for two wks, not sleeping etc. But, it has been a godsend, because I don't know how I would deal with all these issues of caregiving with the migraines. And just the plain stress and hurt of watching it. Give your med time, if it doesn't work after some time, tell your dr. and get on another. Sometimes, in the interim, benzo type drugs can help with the anxiety. I am also on Xanax as needed, but truly nothing can make it go away. It is a very hard job and you being a loving caregiver is wonderful. We have I think, one of the hardest jobs out there, really. I care for my dad and my son. So I want to and actually cut my hair very short out of frustration months ago. I'm there and I get it. Feel free to write. Stay strong.

I know how you feel - before my mother went into a Nursing home 3 weeks ago I was at her beck and call all the time. I live half an hours drive away from her but (I suppose because of her dementia) she thought I lived next door! Don't feel guilty about enjoying your 7 weeks of freedom. Although I'm very upset my mother had to go into a Nursing Home, if I'm truthful to myself, I'm also very relieved. Just do what you can for her and remember they do get very selfish in their old age - but it's not for ever.

So normal to feel this way, and so comforting to read that others are going through the same thing. I also want to mention that it is the effect of the length of time the caregiving goes on that compounds the problem of stress, difficulty, and sadness for us. It has kind of a cumulative effect.....it can tend to build. I try not to think about the "good old days" when Dad was young, fit, and of sound mind...because it does us no good! It is helpful to see how Dad's "spirit" seems stronger and stronger as he ages, even as he physically and cognitively deteriorates. Lately he has been talking about his deceased wife and son, as if his spirit is moving toward the "next life".

I have been feeling this way since my mother in law fell last Easter at church and broke her hip. Her dementia and Parkinson have worsened so much that we had to move her to the assissted side of the senior retirement center. It is bad enough to see her forget that we saw her (see her 2-3 times a wk), to forgetting how to wite checks and pay her own bills. We have had to take over her checkbood for she was writng things and bouncing checks and not remembering what she had done. She is now on the AL side which is very expensive (we have asked for finacncial help from the Methodist Sunday Fund)...but she also has past due pharmacy bills that are sky hiigh. I have been working and fussing with her drs to put her on generic meds instead of all the brand named ones that cost is expensive. It has taken 2 months, but I think I have finally gotten through to them. Between her deteriation, her medicak drs, her bills with no money, I have been so stressed out. Like I said, she is my mom in law and I have been her caregiver for many years (I am also disabled). Her family is very dysfunctional...has a duaghte that comes to see her maybe once every 2 months....and my husband. My mom in law has always been very demanding, "spoiled" (as she tells it)...she worked to keep from raising her kids (they were raised by grandparents until teenagers)....I come from a very close family myself, and have both parents still with me. My mom just found out she has cancer...so I have double stress.....But I am learning through this to take each day at a time, do what I can and turn the rest over to God. For he can do the impossible, where I can only pray for his will to be done. Please do not feel alone, there are many of us out there feeling the same way.....I talk to God a lot and turn problems over to him......praying for you