My brother moved in with my mother about 3 years ago after losing his house, job, etc. and has mooched off my other since. Mother is increasingly insecure and welcomes the company in exchange for countless examples of being used and emotionally abused by my brother. The other siblings had been faithfully and lovingly caring for Mother on a daily basis, with no expectations of compensation except for her love. Brother pays no rent, utilities, only some groceries, and cooks some meals. He had two jobs since moving in, both which (assumed) earn 6 figures. Still no payment of any kind.
Mother won't evict the mooch for fear of lonliness. The rest of us sibs visit daily and stay overnight, which we had been doing before. Mom was never alone at night. How do we get rid of the mooch and get our Mother back?
James T
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We've glimpsed the situation from your perspective. It would be interesting to see it from your mother's viewpoint. Is your bother the child she has always worried most about, because she senses he is not completely all right? She may be sheltering him because it makes her feel useful and motherly. She may know about a heavy debt burden Brother is trying to climb out from under. She may see some mental illness in him. Unless Mother has dementia, I wouldn't discount the possibility that she has reasons for doing what she is doing. And unless she has dementia to the extent that a court would find her incompetent, she as a right to keep doing it whether she has good reasons or not.
If she is being abused, bring in the authorities. If she is competent and wishes to continue living this way, make peace with it.
So, unless he is truly abusive, you may not be able to get rid of the mooch.
The other part of the questions, how do you get your mother back, needs some explaining. In what way have you lost her? When you spend time with her or stay overnight, is she inattentive? Does she snub you? Refuse to interact with you? Talk about Brother nonstop? How have you lost her? If we knew that, someone might have some suggestions. And I think this is really the question worth working on.
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