My mom, 93 years old, sent out over 2000.00 in cash gifts to all her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. She does this out of the kindness of her heart. However, this Christmas she received only about 10 cards and of the 10 cards there were only 1 from the ones she had sent the money to. She keeps asking me why she has not received any cards or a thank you from the ones she sent the money to. She has dementia (I think the early stages at some times and then intermediate at other times) and gets depressed easily when she does not get telephone calls or letters or even visits. My brothers and sisters do call and some come to visit once or twice a month. But I wish they would call her more often and visit more often to give her spirits an uplift. Most of them are not retired but some that are, live about 1.5 hours away. Do you think I should write them and tell them my concerns? I have talked this over with my husband and he says that this is a part of aging and that being lonely, depressed is not uncommon. I feel for my mother because when she gets a visit or phone call I can see her spirits rise up and she has more energy. Because I care for her 24/7 I feel I am doing all I can for her as it is and when I go out I like to be by myself. I am in a bit of a delimma. Is anyone else experiencing this situation?Thank you for listening!
Linda
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One thing to remember - visits are soon forgotten when someone has mid-stage or beyond AD. Even early stages often present as memory loss. The elder looks forward to a visit for a long time, the visit is only for a day or weekend, and then the visitor is gone. Often, so is the memory. While I'd certainly encourage visits, I'd strongly suggest that you underscore the value of cards and notes. Then your mother can read them repeatedly (or you can read them to her). That will mean a lot and will take minimal effort from your family. Do try to explain this without any blame. Good luck,
Carol
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There may be a reason why you siblings don't visit. My Mom and I visit my Dad with advanced Alzheimers at least every two weeks. It is sad to see him, but I want to spend as much time with him as I can. My Sister is very reluctant to go because she wants to remember Dad the way he was and won't take my Dad's grandchildren for the same reason. My Brother also has a hard time dealing with his feeling about Dad's illness. I make up for the visits because I am retired and they both work.
My Mother is blind and in assisted living and I try to call her almost every day. It makes her happy and less lonely. I am the only one that takes her to see my Dad but I don't mind.
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