My Grandmother has been in a NH for almost 4 months now and has declined steadily. When I go to visit her it's hit or miss as to what she is going to be like. Somedays she is somewhat clear headed and able to talk to me directly but still will think she is at home or it's the first day at the NH. But most days she is competely broken from reality. Seeing and having conversations with people who aren't there. She says she's walking around a large beautiful house. She can't get out of bed and refuses to eat always saying she isn't hungry or "I just ate". The NH is suggesting Hospice care for her and all the info they have given me basically says she is at the final stages of life. I just don't understand. Could this be real? It breaks my heart that she is like this, it's hard to think. I've taken care of her for 6 years till she could not longer get out of bed on her own and we had to put her into a NH cuz I could not take care of her mentally or physically any longer. I have a 5 year old son and 3 year old daughter. I love her so much and we've had rough times but she was my bestfriend too. I'm just confused and scared. Please help. Part of me thinks she is having a psychotic break and just needs meds. She is 82.
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"A person of any age is eligible for hospice after being certified by a physician as having a life expectancy that may be six months or less, depending on the course of the disease. If a patient lives beyond six months after admission they can continue to receive services as long as a physician continues to document the patient's eligibility."
Here are a few links that might you understand more of what is going on.
Your Parent is Dying: When Is It Time to Call Hospice?
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/When-Is-It-Time-To-Contact-Hospice-110692.htm
Hospice Care: Choose the Best Hospice for Your Elderly Parent
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/How-to-Choose-the-Right-Hospice-Care-for-Your-Elderly-Parent-136223.htm
Best of Luck,
Karie H.
AgingCare.com Team
If she is qualified due to her diagnosis and a second opinion says the same, then your loved one will benefit very much by the loving care hospice gives. Definitely ask a lot of people which Hospice group is the best in your area. Hospice also can supply a lot of the needed incidentals such as "ensure", pull ups, pads, etc.
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Your instincts are correct to question the NH's assessment. She just may need meds or therapy.
If it is determined that she is end stages (refusing to eat, is one sign), hospice can be a great help. Hospice can take place anywhere - in home or at a hospital or NH.
I think that the word "hospice" sometimes frightens family members because it used to be a benefit that was reserved only for those who have 6 months to live.
However, regulations have been relaxed such that those who need extreme medical attention can now qualify.
I highly recommend getting a referral to a good hospice in your area (you do not have to go with the one that the NH or hospital recommends) and speak with the director. They are so great about explaining the process and answering your questions. Very often medical staff does not have this information.
Good luck...I know it is a confusing time. Having a correct diagnosis and more information will help greatly.
PS: is she unable or unwilling to walk? Getting her on her feet would help a lot to improve her health...