As legal power of attorney for my 86-year-old Aunt, can I move her to an assisted living facility?

An assisted living facility will have a number of forms they require to be signed before your Aunt can move in. Whether they'll accept only your signature on the forms will depend on a few things: The facility in question, the Power of Attorney document itself, your aunt's mental capacity, and how willing your Aunt is to making the move. A Durable Power of Attorney typically gives the agent broad power to act on financial decisions (provided it is in effect now-some POAs don't take effect until the principal has been declared legally incapacitated), but not medical decisions. I'd recommend starting with a facility you'd like to mover her to, meet with their administrative people and find out their policies on accepting only an agent's signature. If it appears they would accept only a POA agent's signatures, ask them to review your document and confirm they will still accept your signature.

My heart goes out to each of you who have to help your loved one(s) to move to either an apartment for the elderly, IL, AL or nursing home. I started talking with my mother 3 years ago about her future and needing to move to a living environment that would be safe for her. This is never an easy subject for any of us to talk about. Why? This is a beginning of a person giving up their independence. This is a very scary thought. In the past year I began doing an extensive search for apartments for the elderly, IL, AL or nursing home and what the cost would be. Once you start doing this search, you will be completely surprised about how much information you will learn. The first thing you want to do after talking with some of these facilities, tell your loved one that you would like to take them to visit these places. No decision needs to be made immediately. This allows one to check out the environment and meet some of the residents. If it is possible, schedule for you and your loved one to have lunch at each facility at no cost to you so you can review the menu and try out the food. Don't schedule a lunch date during the holiday but a few days after. You can see that the facility and residents do have a good time celebrating the holidays. You can drive your car through the city streets and see how close grocery stores, pharmacies, and banks are to the facility. The second most important step is to gather all your loved one's financial papers such as bank statements, CDs, real property, cost for medicines, monthly living expenses, etc. The first time you meet with a manager at one of these facilities, you will fill out paperwork to determine what level 30%, 50%, 60% of living that the monthly rent will cost. You will not need to provide this financial information for the rest of the facilities that you visit because you will know the percentage level for cost of living. Ask what transportation is available such as for doctors, pharmacies, activities, etc. Even though you may do all this research work, your long journey will have just begun. You will still need to talk to your loved one about selling their home, downsizing, packing, making all the transfers such as phone, etc. This all becomes an extremely scary situation for your loved one. Once you receive their approval and trust, you just need to keep assuring them in a loving way that you are going to be there "all the way" for them and help them to get settled in. Let them know that you just want them to be "happy" with their move and future.
I hope this information has been helpful. My prayers are with each of you.

shortmomma1, smoking is an addiction; nagging her about it won't get her to stop, and not nagging her about it is not "encouraging" her. It's just something she's going to do until she dies or is personally motivated to quit, whichever comes first. To everyone else: pay attention to the difference between helping someone and trying to change them!

I think the attorney that drew up your POA papers could answer your questions. When my Mom needed to go into AL, I spoke with her attorney and he gave me lots of advice and I fond out I did not have all the POA papers I needed. He helped me with all this. You also need to have your loved one sign while they can still understand what they are signing. I had many sleepless nights because I felt so guilty and she did not want to leave her home. She was not eating well and even when I brought her meals, she would forget to eat. She has some dementia, diabetes and AFib, so not eating right messed with her sugar and blood thinner. I had to get her in before I left to go south for a few months. I fond a really great place and she has been there for 6 weeks now and is so happy. She loves the food and activities. She now knows how lonesome and depressed she was and thanks me for all my hard work to get her moved in. What a relief! I am so blessed to have such a great Mom!

I know there is a difference between legal or durable power of attorney,but if its in her best interest to move,and all the final decisions are yours,its your call.We cant always keep them happy,but its our job to keep them safe

Unless she has dementia or is physically unable to function alone - it may just be better to let her stay where she is. At 20 - 50 seems old, - at 50 - 80 seems old - As long as there is no mental problem and until she wants a change - A "gift" of a cleaning service, delivery of groceries, senior services offering transportation to medical appointments - might be all the help she needs.
Maybe there would be church members or neighbors who could visit for company. Ask around. Also, if she can afford IH care (maybe a reverse mortgage would help if all else fails) they have "companion sitters".
It's about what will make her the happiest as long as she is "functioning" OK.
My mom is 96 -sharp as a tack - lives alone, takes care of herself, does shopping, housework,etc.Even gardening - as long as she is able - staying at home and being allowed the independence she earned will make her the happiest .

Depends on exactly what your POA covers. Is it a limited POA or one that covers everything? We recently moved my parents into an Assisted living facility. They were both against it but now that they are in there they seem comfortable, happy and willing to stay there. Maybe you can get her to move ton one that looks nice on a "trial" basis? I think it is pretty typical that once a person gets in one and gets comfortable they don't want to go back home anymore.
I agree with the person that said to take her out to tour a few of them and see how nice they are. Many in our area will treat you both to lunch and give you a free tour if you make an appointment.

A related issue is that even if you can do it, how do you accomplish your goal without alienating her? Probably need to do what you can to get her to go along with the idea before you push her into a situation she is dead set against.

This is a really hard spot to be in. I'm in it right now with my mother. We finally got her to allow an IH caregiver but she is still complaining about it. Within the next year we will have to mover her to some sort of AL so I've begun the search. I think the hardest part will be actually moving her when the time comes because, like your aunt, Mom does not want to leave her home. I've done a lot of reading and, from previous experience with other older relatives, I'm afraid we will impact Mom's willingness to live by changing her life style so much. Other than AFib and early stage dementia, she's fairly healthy. Am I over thinking this? I don't know. Maybe just feeling guilty because I know moving is not what she wants. I am Mom's POA and I, too, am afraid of alienating her but must keep her safe. She's already angry with me much of the time because I seem to be in her business too much .

When she wastes 2 or 3 hours of my day going over the address and her account number with some company that sent her junk mail - then she "needs" me and keeps telling me how much she appreciates what I do for her!. :-0 lol

I hope some of the professionals will weigh in here with some ideas on how to "get her to go along with the idea".

Galtha, how did you convince your parents to move?

Lane, thanks for starting this discussion. It is very timely in my life.

hhmmmm... i was pondering this question this am. I too am moms POA. Shes at the end stages of COPD, and cont to smoke, refuses her bipap, and meds. My sisters are in the mind set that since " she doesnt have long to live, let her do what she wants". Id be ok with that if it was to eat whatever, lay in bed and whatch crappy tv shows. But to encourage her to smoke cause it makes her happy? that confuses me. Im to the point that i feel that i can no longer care for my mom in my home. I think she is at risk of hurting herself, or worse. She has por judgement and I constantly stay on her to not allow anyone in the house if they dont call 1st, and she has an appt with them. Any suggestions would be appreciated.....