How do I split my time caring for my mother-in-law with dementia and my own mother?

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ZOEY1ZULU2 Asked January 2012

How do I split my time caring for my mother-in-law with dementia and my own mother?

I feel my own Mother is left out so much because I am caring for my mother in law. I really don't have any help with her. My husband and sons work long hours. By the time I can go see my mom, either she's in bed already or i'm DONE for the day. Her daughter lives out state and my brother in law is to busy for his mom. My husband is usually off on sundays,but sometime me and my mom cant get together. My sons work with my husband but they are all together at work at the same time!! She doesn't even want to be with friends anymore. My mom does come here, but I know she gets bored and just wants to be alone together. I feel my own mom is left in the dust. My mom says she understands but I still feel VERY bad. Any good advice?

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score 0 · Answer 1

I'm sure she does understand, but you both know you deserve time alone together. You've got a lot on your plate. I'd talk with your husband about hiring an in-home service to stay with your mother-in-law occasionally if no family member is able to do so. Then, you can take the time to have some fun with your mom. She won't be this spry forever and it's not fair to her or to you if you miss these years without some one-on-one time. If you stand up for this right you should find a way.
Take care,
Carol

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score 0 · Answer 2

Thank you carol. I am going to show this article to my mom as soon as I see her. I'm sure you;ll like the advice too!!!

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score 0 · Answer 3

You know men...if they all work together than one or the other could lose a morning or 2 hours once a month to give you a chance to take your own mother with you-shop together- go pharmacy or other duty and then head out for an hour long cup of tea.

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score 0 · Answer 4

Thank you. I will take your advice.

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score 0 · Answer 5

Thank you. The 3 of them are fore men with different crews so they must be there to run them. They do give me a break when they are sometimes home on Sundays, but sometimes my moms busy because they don't know ahead of time when they are off unless they request it. Don't get me wrong, they do help me, It's no one else who does. I will let my husband read this so he knows how much it means to me.. Thanks again

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score 0 · Answer 6

Does your MIL have an income -- SS or pension or something? If she has some money available it is perfectly appropriate to spend some on in-home care, so you can get some respite.

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score 0 · Answer 7

she has all those things. I thought she had to have more health problems than dementia to recieve any help or aide.

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score 0 · Answer 8

If she can pay for it herself, she doesn't have to qualify by any agency or insurance rules. So start looking into what is available locally and make some plans!

Also, if the time comes where she does need some financial help (for a nursing home, for example) dementia alone is a qualifying impairment.

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How do I split my time caring for my mother-in-law with dementia and my own mother?

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