How do you deal with self-centered adult step children, when caring for my husband of 24 years?

I have been married to my husband for 12 years he is 10 years younger then me) His wife is dead and was before we even dated - - he has 5 children - all of which loathe and hate me - we have tried family reunions, get-togethers, etc. along with my children (2 and my grandkids) to no avail. - My husband has had 4 critical illnesses and not once a thank you, can we help with his therapy, can we come sit with him while you get some errands ran??? Nothing. - the hate continues to worsen - while in the same room with them and their children at the hospital, they talked to each other by cell phone texting. - I am totally ignored as is my children - I do not know where this type of behavior comes from and who made these adults be the way they are.I try to follow the golden rule, but I am about to just give up. The children are taken care of with a trust fund, and there was a pre nup for each of us. So, just do not get it. All I really ever wanted was a thank you for taking care of dad, or a sign of respect. Nothing - no cards no invitations, no NOTHING. 12 years going on 13 is a huge chunk out of my life nd I am feeling lots of regrets for trying to make this work

Been there. Done that.I was younger than myhusband, and we had over 19 wonderful years together. My husband said long before he got sick. I want you to have what I have. Be sure it is fixed so that "John" and "Jane" can't get anything. When he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's(Fortunately incorrect diagnosis - was PTSD)and other medical problems. Son said "couldn't help. We're working" (he's a bit older than me). I said Fine and from then on did best to care for my husband (while working myself) with no help from either "child". I have the reward of knowing that my husband loved me very much and chose to leave his worldly possessions to me. Just take care of the one you love and don't waste energy worring about the others.

What a shame they are not there for you and your husband. I care for my 90 year old Dad with no help from the family. Like I tell them, don't come to me with your hand out at the end. And don't let me see you shed a tear when he is gone. If he was not worth you time when he was alive, then don't waste it when he is gone.

So much depends on how your husband views his children. They are his children and there is a bond that goes beyond marriage. My ex had one particularly nasty daughter. We disliked each other immediately for some reason. Her father doted on her, though. She used him like a handyman and drained him of money. She worked on him behind the scenes. I could see my own marriage slipping away. Now he is my ex and she has him to herself. Poor guy. I imagine she'll do the same to anyone he tries to form a relationship with.

How capable is your husband mentally? Is there a reason that he is avoiding confronting his children about the way they treat you? What does he think you should do about the situation?

I have the same problem with my stepdaughter. I just let her know that I make the decisions about my husband not her. I just ignore her.

I have the same problem with my stepdaughter. I just let her know that I make the decisions not her.

You have to stick up for yourself. It doesn't look like anyone else is. Don't you think its about time? How did you make it this long? Tell them to go harrass someone else because they are wasting their breath on you because you dont care to listen to their ignorant NONSENSE!!!!!

I think that 'gold digger' train left the station 24 years ago, so I sure wouldn't let them bring that up after all these years. And I also agree, if they can't say anything nice then dump'em. If you're hubby isn't on board with that idea, then he can see them when you're not around. I see no logical reason to put yourself through abuse caused by bratty ill mannered adults. I don't care what their mental problems are, it's not acceptable. Life is too short.

I would not talk to them ...if they are not stepping in to help then its time for u find help for urself...such as getting a respite caregiver so you can have some of ur freedoms back. I am taking care of my husband and on both sides are families with issues and no support. If not show proof ur not a gold digger like they may assume you when you know that isn't true. there is a thread on here for caregiving and dysfunctional families may be a good start to vent out some of the issues regarding his children.. the children have no say since ur doing the tough decision making...but ask ur husband due to their attitudes does he wish to continue to talk to them and then let him only talk to them and u supervise....talk therapy is good and alos knowing when to hang up the phone is good too...you have no reason to be guilty they are and passing it on to you when they should be there helping you...you found a good place now let it all out...