How do you handle it when your mom starts getting mean and accusing you of taking things?

My mother has personality disorders and is also suffering from dementia. Her accusations toward my sister and me are so hurtful. But we have talked with her Dr. about the situation and he reassured us that he knows we are not trying to take her money and place her in a care facility before she is ready to be placed. You must remember she cannot reason and be logical anymore. As Kellyb said, take it with a grain of salt. Sometimes if you can divert your mother's attention to something else it will help to calm her down and move her thoughts to something more pleasant. Maybe take her for a walk or to a park. If you raised children, use the same tactics you did when they were young and not able to be reasonable. My heart goes out to you and I hope this helps. This is my second go around with a parent with dementia. What I have to do with my mother is leave her alone for a while and she usually forgets her anger and then we can regroup. My mother is very combative and she refuses to have help in her home and just the other day threw a fit at the Dr.'s refusing a memory test. The Dr. suggested she see a neurologist instead, but she refused and says there is noting wrong with her other than old age. We have to play it day by day with her. I hope this helps and take care of yourself too.

I know what your going thru. My mom also has dementia, and is constantly losing things. Drives me insane!!! I relize she can't help it, and I usually tell her the same thing, and it seems to work "it will turn up" or "you will find it or run across it" Eases their mind on it for a while. I also am accused of taking her things. Not easy to be constantly accused of something you don't do, but just try to take it with a grain of salt. Alot of times I can go look for what she has lost, and walk up on it right away, so that solves that quick. Anyhow best of luck, Dealing with parent with dementia is highly frustrating, but this website is a great place for friends, and people like me going through the exact same issues. Take care:)

This is part of the dementia. The first and most important thing is not to take any of it personally. This is not your mother's behavior -- it is the dementia's. Make sure that her doctor knows of these new behaviors. If she doesn't have a doctor with lots of dementia experience, perhaps it would be worth finding one for her.

"I'm so sorry that your watch is missing, Mom. I would never deliberately cause you distress, but maybe I misplaced it by mistake. I will help you look for it." Often dementia sufferers develop common hiding places to keep their items "safe." Once you learn these places searching is often not too hard, but sometimes the places are so creative you just can't find the missing item. "Mom, maybe your watch will show up later, but for now, let's go to Target and pick you out a really fun watch to tide you over."

Certainly you're not going to admit to stealing -- that would make your mother unhappy, too. But you can try to accept her feelings, and comfort her. Let the meanness roll off your back -- it isn't really your mother saying these things. It is the disease and she can't help it. Try to divert her to another topic. Hug her. Tell her you are sorry she is so unhappy.

This is a very, very hard stage for caregivers. My heart goes out to you.

Dealing with the constant repeating and forgetting nothing compared with a mom with dementia being mean and accusing you of taking things

She has dementia, but recently she has gotten very paranoid and mean

Does your mother have dementia? Any personality disorders? Is this a change from her normal behavior, or just the same ol' thing but worse?