How can I cope with mom's last days?

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nyblueyes Asked February 2012

How can I cope with mom's last days?

I'm trying desperately to cope with the fact that my mom is in her last days. She's stopped eating and drinking. We do have a hospice care agency providing us with a home health aid weekday mornings and we have a decent hospice nurse who comes 1-2 times a week. My 2 adult children and my mom all live with me, so I also have some family support. I am just so tired and sad. I feel as if I won't be able to face the inevitable, but there is no alternative, of course....My daughter keeps telling me I need to have times where I can clear my head of all the sadness, just for my own well being, but I just can't stop thinking about my mom and how much I am going to miss her. I am unable to function during the few hours I am putting in at work ( thank goodness I have an understanding boss and staff!!) Thank you all for reading...

Family Caregiver

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score 0 · Answer 1

bless your heart I know how hard this is... My Daddy died, July 25th 2010 and I was his caregiver. He was my hero!!! One of the things that has helped me is knowing he died peacefully with dignity at home like he wanted! I am also thankful he did not have to continue to suffer, we had hospice for medication and equipment, they were wonderful. I will NOT lie to you, it is NOT easy... It is a process and you just have to decide to keep going in their honor. I was my Grandmother's caregiver also and I had a very real pain in my chest for weeks after she died. I would encourage you to find a grief support group (hospice will probably offer this) and don't be afraid to cry... take care, and God bless!

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score 1 · Answer 2

If she is a believer talk to her about how you see heaven-no pain and no tears-otherwise just sit and hold her hand even if she is not responsive maybe read the Bible to you if you wish and just think of your memories of her and the parts of her that you like to be and talk to God if that makes you feel better-when my husband was in the process of dieing he knew who was talking to him-he kind of responed to those he loved and with me ingored me completely which wtold me a lot-he never asked for forgiveness . He did respond to our children and granddaughter so they have that to remember.

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score 0 · Answer 3

My heart breaks for you. I wish I could give you a hug in person. This is all so very sad.

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score 0 · Answer 4

NYBLUEEYES,

I wish I could be there to hold your hand. My advice is to lean on the hospice company and your family for support. Your daughter is correct, you need a few hours a day to clear your head and care for U..!! I cared for my mother for three years and she was in a facility for respite and they literally killed her. I miss her every day and get angry some days at the facility.
Losing someone who you love is not easy, make your peace with your mother, and talk about all of the wonderful memories with her and your family. Celebrate her life while you can, try to enjoy your last days with her. Read the link I have attached, it will help you a lot.

Blessings Bridget

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score 1 · Answer 5

nyblueyes,

I am sorry to hear what you are going through right now. I can imagine how tough it is on you and your family.

I have included a few articles that I think would be a great resource for you during this time. I hope this helps.

How to Cope When You Know Your Elderly Parent is Dying Soon
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/coping-with-elderly-parent-dying-138574.htm

Words of Comfort: What to Say When Someone is Dying
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/say-to-someone-who-is-dying-148641.htm

This article is for after you go through your hard time and the death of your elder.

6 Myths About Grieving
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/grieving-the-death-of-a-loved-one-149491.htm

We wish you all the best. You are in our thoughts.

Karie H.
AgingCare.com Team

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score 0 · Answer 6

What I wish is that we could all get together and give you a group hug, nyblueeyes. It hurts that you are going to miss her so much. I always hope that we'll see our loves ones again someday. She'll always be with you in spirit. I hope that you and the children can pull close and miss her together. Things are always easier as a family.

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score 0 · Answer 7

Oh I am so sorry, that is the hardest thing to go thru. My heart breaks for you. My mom fell and hit her head, slipped into a coma then died. It was the hardest knowing she was gonna die. To sit by her side and wait was awful. I was with her right before she slipped into thhe coma and stayed with her the whole time. She slipped into the coma on friday late morning and passed away saturday 1050pm. It was news years eve 2011. Still all so very new and I can't believe she is gone, my heart aches. She was my life and I am not sure how to be without her. I have no words to ease your pain but please no that I will pray for you and your mom. Sending you love and hugs, Beth

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How can I cope with mom's last days?

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