She has battled depression for years, and has been treated for it. However,medicines have not always worked. Now, she has mobility issues...can hardly walk, due to several medical conditions. She lies in the bed most of the time - won't even go get her hair fixed. She says she has no where to go and won't be here much longer. Some days, she seems better, but on the days she is really down, I can't reason with her. She tells me to take care of my family (I have 6 year old triplets and am a teacher), and says my dad can do it. She is very critical of him - constant complaining about him - same conversations over and over. He is not perfect, but he is doing what he can. I call her every day, and I see her once or twice a week. She asks me to do things, and I try to, but when I can't do something, she gets mad. She tells me she's not mad, but she goes into the "I won't be here much longer" mode. I am also battling depression, so somedays are pretty bad. What approach should I take with her?
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I know it is sad to watch and you want things to be better for her... but the only depression you have any control over is your own.... it only means you love her to want it to be nicer for her... love her anyway.... get yourself some help, some one to talk to, possibly meds to help you over the hump, and just do what you can... and it's ok if she gets upset... she was upset before you were born... she knows how to deal with her own upsets....now you learn to not follow in her footsteps and get your own depression under control... prayers and angels sent to you to help you and for you to know you are loved and appreciated....
Is your mother right that she won't be here much longer? That is, does she have any conditions that are likely to lead to her death in the next several months? Is hospice a reasonable option?
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If you can, just pull yourself out of the whirlpool that she is drawing you into. Misery may love company, but the company doesn't have to love it back. One thing that has helped me with my mother is to distance myself emotionally from the negativity, so that I listen but don't take it seriously. Sometimes I do things like going around the house singing songs like "I've got the joy, joy, joy... etc." like a message that I'm not being brought down. Maybe it lifts her mood. I know it lifts mine. Silly songs are also my favorite, even if I make them up on the spur of the moment.
I hope you can find the things that work for you. It sounds like you don't need anything else to add to your depression. I hope that yours also improves.