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livingontheedge Asked March 2012

Should I stay home with my Dad or go back to work?

My dad is in Hospice.. He will be 82 next month. When I get up for work @ 530.. He ask me to stay Home. Then he will say my baby needs to go to work,..UGGG .I'm on intermit FMLA.. But have not been to work in 2 1/2 weeks!! Just don't know !! If I knew how much longer he has... I would just take a medical leave... He has COPD And skin cancer on LT leg. that looks soo BAD..ans so is the. COPD.... So hard !! .. Just dont know what to do!! I'm the only one to take care of him.... Love my Daddy!! Help!.

Ericka Apr 2012
Talk to his Dr & see how much longer - based on his condition thathe may have. Speak w/your boss about working from home. Are you worried about losing your job? If you think you may lose your job -you may have to hire someone to stay w/your Dad during the day & you work or work a 1/2 day. I know how it is - both my parents are sick, I am 43 & they are 91 & 85 & I have no siblings & no one to help me care for them and I work also. My job is demanding & it is easy to get behind & I was just out 1.5 weeks unexpectedly because my Dad was hospitalized. It can be so hard but GOD is able & he will help you.

anonymous31857 Mar 2012
As for how long he has best ask a doctor. My father has had severe COPD for 10 years and he is still going very weakly he is bed bound and has been for the last 3 years. Your father could have a while to go. My personal experience me and my Mom where having to take off work a lot and when I lost my job and could not find more work we took that as a sign and blessing that I should stay at home and take care of my Dad. In the begining it before I stopped working it was a lot due to him being scared of being alone. Now there are very few things he can do for himself. I wish you all the best wishes and luck

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speak1104 Mar 2012
Sweety..I sympathize with you. Where as my father is healthy, my mother passed away in January and my Dad is just lost. He calls me 1-2 times every day and we go to breakfast every other day (im not a breakfast person by the way). It would benefit us if I went back to work but I feel like my Dad would be even more lost. Ive decided to take some online courses and try to work from home. Is that a possibility for you? I hope everything works out for you. I will keep you in my prayers.

Poppie1924 Mar 2012
If there is any way, any how, I feel you should stay home with him. My opinion comes from personal experience. I could not stay home from work completely, but I utilized my vacation days, sick days, and also took days off without pay. I have NO regrets. I know in my heart I gave my Dad the best care that I could have. Goodluck!

ayagba1 Mar 2012
Sounds like your employment is flexible in allowing you to work from home...maybe that can be formalized into an acceptable arrangement? Check with your Dad's doctor about hospice referral. Our Mom's doctor referred her and "Oh my! They are wonderful!" Good for her (and us)--but she absolutely glows when they leave. God bless you Christi, Kim, Carol and Dr. Shetty!

AgingCareCM Mar 2012
Checkout our new article about work life balance with caregiving. Maybe this can help you make your decision easier!

Discussing Caregiving with Your Boss
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/talking-to-your-boss-about-caregiving-150044.htm

jeannegibbs Mar 2012
Is there any possibility that you can work from home? I know that many jobs, from nursing to waitressing to biochemist are just not practical to do remotely. But if you mostly work on a computer, give working remotely some serious thought.

Would your employer give you an extended leave of absence, with an assurance of getting your job or a comparable job back when you are ready? Can you afford to not work during that period?

Is parttime work a possibility? Can Daddy stay alone for several hours at a time?

You do have to think of your future, too, so if possible don't burn any bridges that you might want to cross later.

Have you talked this decision over with the hospice staff?

There is no "right" answer here. I hope you find the answer that will work best for you.

Lilygirl Mar 2012
Is there someone with him during the day? Perhaps he needs companionship as he goes through this difficult stage of his life.I'm so sorry, such a difficult choice to make. Can Hospice assist you with your decision to work or stay home? You are a wonderful & loving daughter. Good luck to you & your dad.

LindaGS Mar 2012
These are difficult decisions that only you can make. We are here too, because we face similar dilemmas. It is wrenching. Take care of yourself. Keep communication open with your employer and your colleagues.

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