Why does my grandma get so mad when I go anywhere?

crs, from a distant point of view, I may be able to shed a little light on this. Before mom passed away a few weeks ago, I was the only person she wanted around. Also, more than a year before her fall, she always always got upset with me if I would go out. If I went to the store, I had better be back in the time she somehow allotted or...I would hear it.
I asked her about this several times and my mom was coherant enough at that time to talk to me about it. She admitted that at this age (87) she didn't want to be alone. She was afraid. Afraid of falling, afraid of dying and I wouldn't be there etc. She was attached to me and got very very upset when my hubby and I would want to go out alone although....at the time we told her we were doing so, she would say okay. When we got back all hell broke loose and it was so frustrating for me who only wanted a little time alone. Looking back now, I see that it was fear. I was all she had and basically her lifeline. If something happened to me, what would become of her? Also, I was the one she loved and trusted most. I think elderly people somewhat revert back to childhood. Instead of her mother, she needed me. I can say though that after her fall, all she did was ask for her mom and tell me she saw her mom. I believe the dependence we have on our parents when we are young, comes back when we are old. I know this answer didn't fix anything for you but possibly you can understand grandma better. I wish you peace and quiet time because I know you are going through alot. Hugs.

does she get along well with the kids? is there anyway to get some kind of activity with them, so they can keep an eye on each other if only for 3 precious little minutes? but i agree with jeaniegibbs, sounds like shes scared, now im not saying to have a 10 yr old watch her, but in a way, i am. if you could get them to do a puzzle together, get them doing 'fun things; so gma wont get that scared alone feeling, maybe she wont latch herself onto you as bad, logic and explaining things wont work, but you do need to catch little moments alone for yourself, you love your kids you love your gma, but kids and gma are on oposite ends of the spectrum and your in the middle, that even harder. is there anyway you can get take her to a senior day activities thing? youve got someone to take the kids sometimes, get someone to take her sometimes. just a thought. think about it, everyone out of the house for about and hour or two, you go take a nice hot bubble bath,glass of wine,scented candles, that'll fix you right up.
good luck hang in there...

Yes she has a clock right beside her recliner in the livingroom and another on her bedside table.

I agree with all the suggestions -does she have a large clock so she can know what time it is-their sense of time is distroted I found that out when I worked as a nurse. Continue going out and do things you enjoy not just things that have to be done.

Thank you all for the advice, I greatly appreciate it!!! Ya'll are awesome :-)!!!! THANKS

My grandma refuses to go with me, I tried just yesterday to get her to come with me to Walmart. She use to love going to garage sales I asked her yesterday if she would like to go to few down the street, her response was I pee to much, I might pee on myself. She is a worry wart, she worries so much she caused herself to get broken heart syndrome. It caused her heart to weaken. She is a very impatient person too, if she ask you to do something, you do it then. Her mind is good just no sense of time. My grandpa is just the opposite, care free not a worry in the world, as long as he gets fed he is a happy man. Lol!!! As far as my kids I'm able to take and pick them up from school daily, we come home and I help with homework. My girls do like to help in kitchen, so I let them assist with getting dinner ready, my son likes to help if we bake a cake or something. Friday night we have game night after my grandparents go to bed. Last night their dad, my husband, took them skating, he takes them to do things so they aren't stuck at home all the time.

CRS: I thought of suggesting that your grandma go shopping with you, but I just assumed, with the very limited in home care that you receive, you might want to have a chance to have a few moments to yourself.

I also wondered, but didn't ask, how you manage to stay in touch with your kids. Are they involved in sports, do you get to see any of their games. Now that might be something GM could enjoy....or not. How about GP?

I hope you have a husband in this mix. You didn't mention that, but I sure hope you are not doing this alone.

Blessings, Cattails.

Crs, is there a reason that your grandma can't go shopping with you? Or is that something you really don't want to do.

CRS: Your grandma clings to you because she trusts you. You are her sense of confidence and safety.

Jeanne gave you good advise. It you left something out, let us know.

You are a very wonderful person. Hugs, Cattails

Why? I can only guess, but perhaps she has fears of being abandoned, of being left alone, in a world that is increasingly unfamiliar and scary. She can't tell 10 minutes from 4 hours. In what other ways is she disoriented that aren't obvious to you but are scary to her? She knows who you are. She is comfortable and feels safe with you. That's a guess. I suppose it could be that she is a very selfish, self-centered person and she is doing this to control you. You know her. Why do you think she is so clingy?

And I also would guess that no, she doesn't understand the relationship between feeding seven people and leaving the house to shop for groceries.She did once, certainly, but it sounds like that is in the past. It is like her vanished sense of time.

You didn't ask what you should do, but I'll take a stab at that, too. You should continue to do what you need to do to run your household. And you should also get out and enjoy yourself, sometimes alone, sometimes with hubby, maybe with children sometimes. You are doing an absolutely awesome job to raise your children and also care for your grandparents. You not only deserve time away, you need it to keep your sanity! There is no need to feel guilty. This is something you must do and deserve to do.

I wouldn't spend a lot of energy on a lot of explanations and justifications to Grandma. Logic may not be effective with her anymore. I'd focus on, "I love you, Grandma. I'm coming back before dinnertime, and I am happy that you'll be here when I come in. Connie will be here and can help you with anything you might need while I am gone." Be firm but reassuring.

Blessings on you for the love and care you provide for so many people!