My mother in law has Alzheimer's. She wants to live independently. We want to respect that. She has 4 cats that run the house and the house, her clothes all stink. The smell is overwhelming. The family has stopped doing everything with her within the last year. My wife and 2 boys are all allergic to cats. Mom will not move without the cats. Bringing up the topic of moving without the cats it gets her arguing and then she'll say "I will hate you if you make me move without them". She has opened up several times about moving. Stating the neighborhood is lonely now and has changed. Then she starts thinking about the cats and her mode changes to I can't move. We have always done things with her, holiday dinners, taken her to Europe with us for vacation to walks in the botanical gardens. We want to get back to that and see her more often and enjoy the years we have left with her. How do we separate her from the cats and move her?
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And I am not trying to be ugly here, but how is that the house became so unmanagable, why was it allowed to go unattened to for so long... surely the family could have contributed to the health standards of the house in the meantime... just asking.
I know it may come down to having to place her regardless, but my heart does go out to her and the sense of loss she will feel.... she won't really hate you... but she will be very sad.... and lonesome... if the family makes it a point to visit often , especailly at the beginning of placement that will really help the transition... I do appreciate your situation, and also appreciate that you are taking her feelings about her cats into consideration... wishing you a good outcome .Hugs...
How old is your mother? How long has she had AZ? How severe is it at this time? How old are the cats?
The time may come when the dementia will make it unsafe for her to live alone. If the smell is such that family members have dropped back their visiting, it is not going to be easy to bring in in-home care. So Assisted Living, particularly one with a memory-care unit, does seem a good option. And moving before the dementia forces a move also seems like the best approach.
I guess I'm just agreeing with your goals. But I don't have advice about the cat obstacle. Have visited a nice ALF? Can you bring her notices and bulletins about activities she might enjoy at the ALF? Try to get her thinking more and more about the advantages of moving.
If it comes down to it and she doesn't move on her own before her ability to live on her own declines too much then I suppose you'll have to let her "hate you." I hope it dosn't come to that, but dementia and failing abilities forces many sad choices.