My mom is 84 and my dad is 85. My mom has congestive heart failure (has 10% heart capacity left) but won't stay on her strict diet. My dad continues to feed her all of the wrong foods. When I tried to remind them about the special diet mom needs, my dad told me I have an attitude. Mom is quickly showing signs of dementia. She tells me that she plays games lifting houses to find prizes. She thinks she is still on an Alaskan cruise and will visit me when she returns home. My dad doesn't like me because I am strong willed and he won't take or listen to my advice. I'm afraid to suggest help because they don't want any. I have tried to bring over proper foods but they get insulted. They laugh at me for wanting to help them and threaten to give all of their money to my sister when I help. They are so in need of help and proper diet but think they have another 50 years to live. I feel that my dad is helping my mom deteriorate by ignoring her dementia and feeding her fatty and salty foods. What can I do or say to two parents in bad health but think they're 40 years old?
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My Mother (88) does not believe in POA and made no plans for this time in her life (Dad died 25 yrs ago) because she knows she is going to live forever! Go figure. There is also no will. These are all such negative thoughts and Mother lives in la la land even though her mind is sharp as a tack.
Do I worry about it, sometimes; but I cannot do anything because my 2 siblings are in as much denial as Mother!
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That is what my sister and I did before my mother, with dementia, was placed in a rehab center. While they fought it at first, I think my dad eventually got the hang of it and saw the benefits it provided to HIM. And, if anything, it will tell him that you haven't forgotten about him. Sometimes when one parent is sick and gets all the attention, I think the other can feel "left out". They then, can intentionally or unintentionally, "act up" to say...I'm here...I want your attention too. Your dad's grumpiness may be reduced when he gets some time off/away or sees how help can be a good thing, especially for him. Though he may never tell you...it's a good thing.
In general I think senior citizens at the point you speak of with your parents...want to live their lives their way...and be left alone to do it. Here is a thought that helped me when experiencing what you are...would you rather have them live a longer life miserable, or a shorter life, happy & content?
Peace to you and your family.
If you do nothing more or throw-in the towel at this point, you quite possibly will have doubts that will haunt you later. So, I would suggest that you attempt some or all of the things recommended above. Especially sherylwoneal provided good ideas. Even though these approaches may not bring positive results or results that you're hoping for, at least you'll know that you tried and can be content in the future knowing that you tried to help them.
I know it's tough. But, just remember, you can try to help them. However, there is not much you can do about them not accepting that help. Offer the help...provide the opinions or information. Leave it at that. Keep your spirits up and hang in there.