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Lilygirl Asked May 2012

We can't do it anymore. Dad is refusing to go to the wonderful assisted living home we found. What to do?

We took dad from being in a wheelchair & unable to do anything for himself except to eat to walking with a cane, going to the bathroom by himself & making his own bed. At age 88 he is in the best physical condition he can be. We have provided attentive & loving care for 6 mos. He has repeatedly stated he wants to move out & be around people. We take him as many places we are able & have tried to interest him in cards, exercise, etc. I have a sister many miles away who is no help. We have taken dad to see several homes, he dismisses them all & forgets he took a tour. Fortunately he has the financial means to be private pay. My husband & I have no children & we are 61. We would be thrilled & grateful to have children like us to care for us in our older age. I'm going to a support group this week & will ask this same questions. Seems like I can't do or say the right thing. I have fibromyalgia & my physical condition is worsening.

DonnaRN May 2012
Sounds like you may benefit from a Geriatric care manager to help you and your father assess his needs and provide a strategy for both of you to cope with the idea of a move and help with the transition once he has decided to give it a try.
Not only can they assist with this but also can provide care once he makes a move providing you with peace of mind and advocacy for your father. Where do you live? Are you familiar with GCM's? You can find a list on line at the PGACM Professional Association of Geriatric Care Managers or CMSA the Case Management Society of America. They have listings in all geographic areas.

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