How do you handle your father who has dementia, whose paranoid about every family member and keeps changing his power of attorneys?

Agree with comments of Anonymous95109. Going through similar situation with a sibling who keeps trying to emotionally manipulate widowed mother with suspected dementia. Sibling has passive aggressive personality/narcisisstic personality. Other parent died about a year ago. Surprised to find out at that time that parent's original trust documents had been changed, making this PA sibling the sole successor trustee/, executor, with all POA's, and a stake in one of the asset's in trust. It took a year to get widowed parent with cognitive issues to update trust documents (and add corporate trustee) and change POA's in place. Sibling tried to sabotage these efforts (didn't want any changes made) and continues to tell parent not to trust or listen to corporate co-trustee advice. Same sibling has been trying to turn parent against me (I've been managing parent's finances, taxes, etc.), all the while encouraging parent with cognitive problems to spend money on trips, and other items that benefit this same sibling. I think it's time to take further action, possibly even getting state protective services involved.

Candies: What has been the history with changing POA's? You and your sis have it now. Who had it before and has he attempted to change it again and eliminate you and your sis?

Here's a few other things I am wondering about: Who does your dad live with? Is there tension in the family and different people wanting to take control? Does your dad have assets that others want to be in control of? Does he change his POA because of something that is said to him by other family members? When was he last seen by his doctor? Is he on any medications for his dementia?

Answering these questions would help us all better understand what you and your sister and going through.

Hugs to you, Cattails

me amd my sister has POA. I agree that no attorney should change his POA , especially when he has his episodes. I love my father very much and would love to be able to talk to him about his situation but that would only make him angry and he will shut us out of his life. hes very paranoid and suspicious about everybody. it really breaks my heart.

Are you on good terms with the current POA. Will they consult with you? You can always be #2 back up POA in the event that something dreadful happens to POA #1. If he is confused etc no attorney should change his POA again esp if he does not understand what a poa is, roles, responsibilities.

Poor guy. Wouldn't it be frightening to not remember your loved ones enough to be able to trust them?

Not everyone with dementia is deemed incompetent (in the legal sense) to act on their own behalf. Does he understand the concept of POA? Does he know what he is doing when he changes the POA? If he really is not legally competent to establish POA then all the changes are not effective. Was he competent when he made to original assignment? The first change? The second change? I wonder how "official" POA would be establish now. At least once you establish which POA (if any) he was competent to assign, you can prevent further changes. Stability would be nice!

But what if he is still competent in the legal sense? Is there a large estate? Is doing POA tasks complicated or time-consuming? Are all the people that he is rotating this among on the same page as to what to do? Don't get me wrong -- having it assigned and stay assigned would certainly be best. Can you get by with this POA du jour arrangement?

(Does your father do these changes with a lawyer?)

if he indeed has dementia no attorney should be changing any POA; esp if your dad does not know really what is going on--paranoia is part of the AD. She/his wife, cannot change HIS POA;who is the POA now? Get a physicain, perferrrably the primary care and a neurologist to write letters statig he is unable to handle financialmatters which is what mom's doctor did. We have had no problems what so ever. Keep several copies of the POA on hand as they will be needed. If his wife tries to change the poa after the date of the doctor's declaration letters, she is doing some, i can't think of the word, but she is doing something she cannot do. Also, if she is isolating him document how she does that 1, 2, 3 and so forth. After you have a good list of sound facts, call adult protect services as that is elder abuse.

Hi Candies,

If your father has Dementia, there should be corresponding medical consultations and information from a licensed physician (his Primary Care Physician or a Psychiatrist) documenting this. With that, you, or whoever is the current Power of Attorney, can use that to show that he is incapable of making healthcare, financial, or any other kind of decisions, as he has cognitive impairments. What that means is, if he tries to change POA's again, it would be rendered ineffective.

With his paranoia, what is his behavior? Is it manageable? With Dementia, there will often come some paranoia/delusions, and again, if he has a Physician who has diagnosed him with Dementia, they should have him on some medication to help with any dangerous behaviors (wandering, danger to self/others, etc.), because obviously, he is not acting in his own best interests. You may have to start doing that for him (or whoever is the current POA).

I wish there was an answer to this question. It's my question, too, and the responses I've gotten are varied and confusing and dramatic. In my situation, my dad's very mean-spirited girlfriend has isolated him from family and friends, convinced him we are all evil and want to steal from him and she's tried multiple times to alter his estate so she has control of everything. So far we've been able to hold her off with the intervention of two powerful friends who became custodians of his estate, but we're also certain that upon his death she will have had a new will/estate drawn up in her favor and we'll find ourselves in court.
I'm sorry to say that the answer to your question probably means that in order to stop this madness you will have to have your dad declared incompetent. I've been told that declaring someone incompetent is a messy, difficult business.
I wish you good luck. It's heart-breaking, isnt it!