I have DPOA for my mother who has 1st stages of dementia. She has given me this resposibility willingly and was lucid. She has not been deemed incompitant, but has been letting me take care of her finances, paying bills, balancing her check book, etc. because she has admitted she can no longer do it. She still has accsess to her accounts, she is not too far gone to spend money. She asked me to take her to the bank to withdraw some cash because she likes using cash, I stayed in the car to keep it running in cool. She told me she was withdrawing $1,000. I realized a few days later she was spending more than that. I went online to check her account and she had withdrawn $10,000! I'm sure it was an accident as now they make you use your debit card at the counter. The problem is, she's hiding it from me for some reason, I'm having trouble keeping track of what she spends and gives away and it wiped out a big part of her savings. I'm fearful I'll get accused of taking it or forcing her into taking it. She's been difficult for me to handle and has already tried to make me look bad for "robbing her of her freedom". I have no one else who will take care of her, they don't want the responsibility. I don't want to go to jail if she decides to act like she doesn't know where the money is. She already lies and steals (mostly from family members, mostly minor stuff) and I'm worried. She's not sick enough for a home, yet. Please don't advise me to see a lawyer as I can't afford one. Thanks for any advise.
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She's hiding it from you because she has dementia. Expecting reasonable behavior is just not reasonable!
My heart goes out to you. Mother is difficult to handle. You are in over your head. Half her savings are gone, with no paper trail of what she did with it, which may have some consequence if you later need to get her qualified for Medicaid. (Let us hope you can find most of it.)
In my opinion, you need professional help straightening out the $10,000 mess and in arranging things so it can't happen again. You need professional help getting mother positioned well for her future needs. I don't see how you can afford not to do get this professional help ... it is part of helping your mother manage her money. It needs to be done.
What is robbing your mother of her freedeom and robbing you of your peace of mind, is a cruel, cruel disease that is only going to get worse over time. It is Not Your Fault! It is not Mother's fault. My heart aches for all of us caregivers who are thrust into reversed roles, where we now have to make decisions for parents or spouses who were just recently able to make their own decisions. Very, very sad.
Just do it.