My sister has POA and refuses to release my mother's financial information to either myself or my brother.

Your sister's behavior is suspicious. You need to contact a lawyer on your mom's behalf. There are lawyers who help the elderly free or for low cost. Suggest to your mom that she remove the sister's POA and give it to you instead. She can do so.

Contact your local department of aging protective services for fiduciary abuse. They will investigate. Or tell you sister what your intentions are if she doesn't show the finances. She should be telling your mom at least as it is your mom's money after all. Sounds fishy to me.....

Frustrated son, I know where you are coming from. I have been dealing with this for 4 or 5 years. My brother, who lives near Mom, has all financial power, is executor of her will, etc. My problem is she has no alternate power of attorney, or at least that is what I am told. So if he dies or becomes incapacitated, I would have to seek guardianship.

My brother acknowledges this and has mentioned getting her to a lawyer, having the lawyer explain good and correct planning, and avoiding the guardianship problem. No one has made a move to do this. Mom is 82.

I asked my son in law, who is an attorney, what I should do. He advised me that i have made a "good faith" effort to do the right thing. Now bow out.

It is your sister's responsiblity to honor your mother's wishes. If this is how she is now and your mother is competent, I will hate to think how she will be later.

I would talk to your mother about her wishes. Has your mother always been honest with you? Mine is very sneaky and I do not trust her one bit.

Frustratedson, don't let this make you unhappy and stressed. I did that and it hurt my health. I am so over it. When the time comes to help Mom, my brother will dictate what he wants me to do. Right. Like Jeanne Gibbs says responsiblity without authority is an untennable situation. I will not help him, it is his responsibility and he is too stupid and arrogant to see what was coming down the road.

I believe in karma. My brother will get what he sows, Mom will get what she sows and so will your sister if her intentions are not honorable. Talk to you Mom and then just step back.

Frustratedson, you could be my very own brother making this comment. My mother and I have lived together since 1996 and I was the only one of her children living in the state when she appointed me her POA. In the last 2 years my brother got a job and moved within 2 miles of mom and me. My sister lives across the country. I have been very cooperative in providing my siblings financial information on mom's income/expenses and my own. Quite frankly, my income is none of their business. They frequently claim to want to help and be part of the decision making in mom's wellbeing. If I go into all the details of all the crap that has transpired, this would be an exceptionally long post.

As I have been the sibling on the other side of this situation I urge you to examine how you have asked your sister to release this financial information and also to ask your mother. My mother personally doesn't want my siblings involved in her business. In the mean time I have been treated as a criminal and abandoned by my family. I don't wish this heartache on any other family.

I hope you and your sister can work things out.

You are right. You cannot participate on an equal basis without equal access to the information. What Mother may say in conversation to all of you does not match what she signed as a legal document.

To make the point clear, Suppose Mother says, over and over, to anyone who will listen, "I want my children to share in my estate equally. I want my Grandchild Joe to have my classic car when I am gone." Then she dies and her valid will says that the proceeds of the sale of her home should be split evenly among her chilfen, and that the entire rest of the estate goes to Grandchild Joe. Who do you think gets the estate? What she has talked about forever, or what she has actually put in writing on a legal document?

Mother can say until she is blue in the face and you are all sick of hearing it, "get along and work together." But it is what she has put on a legal document that counts.

If she is still of sound mind, perhaps you can convince her of this truth. If not, I don't see what else you can do but back off. Having responsibility but no authority is an untennable situation.

"Mother, Sister will handle this for you. Brother and I have no say in the matter. This is how you have set it up, legally. If you change your mind, we'll do our best to help with decision making. But otherwise, please just discuss this with Sister."

Good luck!

But you basically answered my question. Many Thanks.

It is my mother's overt desire that all three siblings 'get along' and participate equally in the decision-making processes that go along with have a parent becoming older. I have been asked repeatedly to participate in discussions regarding the optimal path of care for my mother but am only being given the part of the picture my sister wishes me to see. Whether or not my mother has any covert intentions will forever remain unclear, but there is no way to know if there is any mishandling of funds or what the true options are for my mother's optimal quality of life path without all the relevant information. In short, being asked to participate as an equal in discussions of this magnitude is impossible without all the relevant information.

Why doesn't your mom just give you copies of what you want?

Are you worried that your sister is mishandling the funds? Do you have some evidence?

I don't think that there is any requirement for a POA to provide financial details to other family members. Remember that your mother chose Sister to manage her finances. Maybe you could do better. Maybe Sister could do better with your input. But it was/is Mother's decision that Sister should do it. Mother can change her mind about that at any time while she is legally competent, but unless she does, Sister is in charge.