I am the caregiver to my 86 year old father who has Alzheimer's. He lives with me in my home. He requires around the clock supervision. Everyday around 11:30 he gets very agitated and says he's going to walk home or hich-hike home.He walks with a cane, but is still very mobile. Several times he has walked to the road with me following him or even has tried to get into cars to drive.I try to distract him by changing the subject or giving him things to do ( such as folding laundry) but it only calms him a little while. He has also started to swing his cane and to poke at people with it when he becomes irritated. His Dr has started him on meds, but so far nothing is working. HELP!
24 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
You may be coming to a point where caring for him at home won't work. That's why memory units are locked - this behavior is part of the disease. I hope you live in an area where there are wonderful memory units that are homey and inviting, with good hands-on care.
Also, of course, ask his doctor to try other medications. However, sometimes nothing short of drugging people with AD will stop this behavior, and you don't want to do that. So, even if you want to hang in with at home care for now, please start looking for options.
Good luck and take care,
Carol
ADVERTISEMENT
The deal with Memory Care or Alz units is USUALLY that the people who work in them have more training on how to deal with dementia behaviors than in regular AL facilities. They also are there because they like working with that particular population. You can't be around multiple people with dementia for 40 hours a week if you can't stand it. My parents moved to one a few months ago and I can breathe easier. When they were in indep. and AL, my dad was leaving their apt. all hours of the night, roaming the hallways, riding on elevators, knocking on other residents' doors, waking them up because he couldn't find his way to his own apt., sometimes was only partially dressed. In memory care, he was safer and his dignity was spared. He was a kind, mannerly, Southern gentleman, who would've been mortified if he knew he was behaving that way. We had to get sitter for him thru the night, at $1100 per week!! And his dementia made my mom's stress/dementia worse. It was vicious cycle. When they move to Memory Care Unit, it gave them both some relief, and me, too! It cannot feel good to be agitated like that either. Dad was on meds for agitation that seemed to do nothing but make him sleepy and fall more often. It's so hard. Good luck.
Anyway you have to understand your Dad's behavior in another way. It took me a while to do this "mindset switch" myself. I will explain.... If you had a child you were babysitting and the child was going to stick a screw driver in a light socket and you stopped him by pulling the child away "that would be your duty" and the right first reaction, BUT....if you told the child to stop and yet watched, and let the child tell you, "I don't want to listen to you" and you know the child would cause harm to himself... You wouldn't say go ahead get yourself electrocuted because the child knows best.... That's Crazy right!!!
What I am trying to get you to understand is at this point if your father is endangering himself in anyway, it's because he doesn't know better., You do!
I thought I could keep my Mom ( remember tricky Houdini) safe but one night I was sleeping in her bed with her , I had a feeling she was going to take off, she waited till I was in LALA Land climbed over me tried to walk out the door that was completely booby trapped so she decided to go out the window she crossed the street , there was a 14 mile long lake in my neighbors lake front property back yard. Luckily the neighbors dog barked "12:30 AM" woke the guy and he saw my mother up to her boobs in the lake!!!!! He called the police they called me a daily event at that point (never in lake or dark before) And all she had to say was isn't this police man nice and handsome too.... I asked her why she was wet she says "I was in a puddle" I hate to think about what would have happened if the dog didn't bark. Oh and by the way she told the neighbor her prior address and said she walked from there which in reality was an hour ride by car highways and up mountainous roads. She had no idea she left the house minutes before and was in the house across the street ....mine. I am calling my Story's You Can't Make This Stuff Up!!!! I got many more!!!
I understand everyone has a different situation but the bottom line is his safety and your sanity!!!! I finally have peace of mind and she does too in NH and I make sure her meds are for stabilization not sedation. She is actually the favorite at the home by staff and residence. 3 years ago was pulling teeth to get her to Dr, dressed, bath, etc.
Diagnosis of mental condition and proper meds and routine are key for starters. To get him to Dr. try whatever.... a pretty woman he likes a person he trusts.... tell him your taking him to a favorite place then go to Dr from there. Good Luck!!!!
See All Answers